Snuff
valet Willikins, who, apart from making a really good cocktail, is also not burdened by being a policeman.â He squeezed a little harder and went on in a conversational tone, âEvery now and again I have to sack a decent copper for police brutality, and I do sack them, you may be sure of that, for doing what the average member of the public might do if they were brave enough and if they had seen the dying child, or the remains of the old woman. They would do it to restore in their mind the balance of terror.â Vimes squeezed again. âOften the law treats them gently, if it worries about them at all, but a copper, now, heâs a lawmanâcertainly if he works for meâand that means his job stops at the arrest, Mr. Stratford. So whatâs stopping me from squeezing the life out of a murderer who has broken into the room he thought would hold my little boy, with, oh dear me, such a lot of little knives? Why will I squeeze him only to unconsciousness, while despising myself for every fragment of breath I begrudge him? Iâll tell you, mister, that what stands between you and sudden death right now is the law you donât acknowledge. And now Iâm going to let you go, just in case you die on me, and I couldnât have that. However, I suggest you donât try and make a run for it, because Willikins is not bound by the same covenant as I am, and he is also quite merciless and very fond of Young Sam, whoâs sleeping with his mother, Iâm glad to say. Understand? You picked the single room, didnât you, where the little boy would be. Itâs lucky for you that Iâm a bastard, Mr. Stratford, because if youâd broken into the stateroom, where my wife, although I never dare tell her so, is snoring at least as loud as any man, you would have found that she has at her command a considerable amount of weaponry and, knowing the temper of the Ramkins, she would have quite probably done things to you that would make Willikins say âWhoa, thatâs going a bit too far.â What they have they keep, Mr. Stratford.â
Vimes momentarily changed his grip. âAnd you must think Iâm a bloody fool. Some bloke they reckoned was a great thinker once said, âKnow yourself.â Well, I know myself, Mr. Stratford, Iâm ashamed to say, right down to the depths, and because of that I know you , like I know my own face in the shaving mirror. Youâre just a bully who found it easier and easier and decided that everybody else wasnât really a real person, not like you, and when you know that, thereâs no crime too big, is there? No crime you wonât do. You might reflect that, while youâre going to hang, Iâm quite certain that Lord Rust, your boss, will in all probability walk free. Did you really think heâd protect you?â
The prostrate Stratford mumbled something.
âSorry, sir, didnât quite catch that?â
âKingâs evidence!â Stratford blurted out.
Vimes shook his head, even if Stratford couldnât see it. âMr. Stratford, youâre going to hang, whatever you say. Iâm not going to bargain with you. You must surely realize that you have nothing to bargain with. Itâs that simple.â
On the floor Stratford growled, âDamn him! Iâll tell you anyway! I hate the smarmy bugger! What do you want me to say?â
It was a good job that he couldnât see Vimesâs face, and Vimes merely said, âHowever, Iâm sure that Lord Vetinari will be very happy to hear anything that you have to say, sir . Heâs of a mercurial nature and Iâm sure there is hanging or hanging .â
Slumped on the floor and wheezing, Stratford said, âEveryone had that bloody cocktail, I saw them! You had three, and everybody says youâre a lush!â
There was laughter as the door came open, letting in a little light. âHis grace had what you might call the Virgin Sam Vimes,â said Willikins, âno offense meant to the commander: ginger and chilli, a dash of cucumber juice and a lot of coconut milk.â
âAnd very tasty,â said Vimes. âTake him away, Willikins, will you, and if he tries anything you know what to doâ¦you were born knowing what to do.â
For a moment Willikins touched his forelock and then said, âThank you, commander, I appreciate the compliment.â
A nd Sam Vimes finished his holiday.
Of course it
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