Snuff
From the way you talk about it, it sounds as if they were sleepwalking. Or perhaps they were starving? I havenât noticed very many rabbits around here, compared with when I was a little girl. And why leave some behind? Itâs all a bit of a puzzle, Sam. Nearly everyone around here is a family friendââ She held up a hand quickly. âI wouldnât dream of asking you to fail in your duty, Sam, you must understand that, but be careful and be sure of every step. And please, Samâand I know you, Samâdonât go at it like a bull at a gate. People round here might get the wrong idea.â
Sam Vimes was certain that he did have the wrong idea and his brow wrinkled as he said, âI donât know, Sybil, how does a bull go at a gate? Does it just stop and look puzzled?â
âNo, dear, it smashes everything to pieces.â
Lady Sybil gave a warning smile and brushed herself down. âI donât think we need detain you any longer, Mr. Upshot,â she said to the grateful Feeney. âDo remember me to your dear mother. If she doesnât mind, Iâd like to meet her while Iâm down here again to talk about old times. In the meantime I suggest you leave via the kitchen, no matter what my husband thinks about a policeman using the servantsâ entrance, and tell Cook to supply you with, well, anything your mother would like.â
She turned to her husband. âWhy donât you escort him down there, Sam? And since youâre enjoying the fresh air, why not go and find Young Sam? I think heâs back in the barnyard, with Willikins.â
Feeney was silent as they went down the long corridors, but Vimes sensed the boyâs mind working its way through a problem, which came out when he said, âLady Sybil is a very nice kind lady, isnât she, sir?â
âI do not need to be reminded of that,â said Vimes, âand Iâd like you to understand that she stands in vivid contrast to me. I get edgy when I think thereâs a crime unsolved. A crime unsolved is against nature.â
âI keep thinking of the goblin girl, sir. She looked like a statue, and the way she spoke, well, I donât know what to say. I mean, they can be a bloody nuisanceâtheyâll have the laces out of your boots if you donât move quick enoughâbut when you see them in their cave you realize thereâs, well, kids, old granddad goblins andââ
âOld mum goblins?â Vimes suggested quietly.
Once again, Mrs. Upshotâs little boy struggled in the unfamiliar and terrifying grip of philosophy and fetched up with, âWell, sir, I dare say cows make good mothers, but at the end of the day a calf is veal on the hoof, yes?â
âMaybe, but what would you say if the calf walked up to you and said, âHello, my name is Tears of the Mushroom?â â
Feeneyâs face once again frowned in the effort of novel cogitation. âI think Iâd have the salad, sir.â
Vimes smiled. âYou were in a difficult position, lad, and Iâll tell you something: so am I. Itâs called being a copper. Thatâs why I like it when they run. That makes it all so simple. They run and I chase. I donât know if itâs metaphysical, or something like that. But there was a corpse. You saw it, so did I and so did Miss Beedle. Keep that in mind.â
Y oung Sam was sitting on a hay bale in the farmyard, watching the horses come in. He ran to his dad, looking very pleased with himself, and said, âDad, you know chickens?â
Vimes picked up his son and said, âYes, I have heard of them, Sam.â
Young Sam wriggled out of his fatherâs grasp as if being picked up and swung around was inappropriate activity for a serious researcher in scatological studies, and looked solemn. âDo you know, Dad, that when a chicken does a poo, thereâs a white bit on top which is the wee? Sometimes itâs like the icing on a bun, Dad!â
âThank you for letting me know,â said Vimes. âIâll remember that next time I eat a bun.â And every time after that, he added to himself. âI suppose you know everything about poo now, Sam?â Vimes said hopefully, and he saw Willikins smile.
Young Sam, now staring at a pile of chicken droppings through a little magnifying glass, shook his head without looking up. âOh no, Dad, Mr. â¦â Here, Young Sam stopped and
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