Some Quiet Place

lies the Emotion who’s taunted and tormented and loved me almost my entire life. Both my lives. The white moonlight slants down on him, making him glow, his flawlessness more pronounced. Even now, he’s beautiful. But his eyes, usually so sharp and vibrant, are closed. His chest is barely rising and falling, and his skin glistens with sweat. I’ve never seen Fear sweat before. My own breathing grows uneven.
    “He’s dying,” I observe quietly, and it’s as if his wound is mine, because my stomach feels like a knife has been thrust into it. He tried to save me. This happened to him because of his unhealthy obsession with me. Stop saying that , my mental voice snaps. It wasn’t obsession . And now I have to admit that the voice is right—it was something so much more. And I should have done more to discourage him. I knew what happened to those around me. Even without the knowledge I have now, I knew.
    I drown in a battle of detachment. And it’s while I’m standing there staring down at him that it occurs to me: this is Fear’s consequence for interfering the day Tim attacked me in the barn.
    “You’re going to help him,” the woman says matter-of-factly, interrupting my thoughts.
    I look at her, trembling. “What can I possibly—”
    She tries to snatch my hand and I jerk back, a reflex. She rolls her eyes, letting out an annoyed breath. “I just need you to touch him,” she growls. “Put your damn palm on his forehead and keep it there until I tell you otherwise. Think you can do that?”
    I do it without an instant more of protest. He’s freezing to the touch, even colder than usual. We wait, and it’s hard to keep still. Ten seconds. Twenty. Nothing happens. I don’t know what I expected, but something inside of me sinks. Fear is slipping away. No. No. This can’t happen. He isn’t mine anymore, and I’ve pushed him away for so long, and he loves someone that doesn’t exist, but all of that is so insignificant now. My grip tightens so much that if he were conscious, it would hurt. I close my eyes and strive to cope with the knot inside me.
    “Damn it,” the woman says through her teeth. “I thought the illusion had faded enough that … ” She stops mid-sentence, and I immediately see why. Before our very eyes, the wound in Fear’s stomach is folding, drying, closing, until the skin is smooth and unblemished. My throat clogs with more questions, but instead of voicing them, I kneel so I’m right by Fear’s head. With trembling fingers, I smooth his hair back, and it occurs to me that this is the first time I’ve actually touched it in this life. It’s just as silky as I imagined it would be.
    The woman watches for a moment. Then she rests her own hand on my shoulder. “He’ll be fine,” she tells me. “I’ll take you back, if you want. Or I could make up a bed for you here.”
    “No,” I respond instantly. “I don’t want to stay here.” There’s really nothing to go back to, but I find myself leaving Fear’s side and following the woman back to the car. The door hinges shriek as we leave, and clouds of white swirl through the air with each exhale. The woman doesn’t ask any questions as we get back into the car—which she probably stole, now that I think about it, since she has no need for one when I’m not around.
    The night whizzes past once again, less urgent this time. Pressing my forehead to the glass, I close my eyes and try not to think about Fear. But it’s impossible not to. I know why I don’t want to be there when he wakes up; I can’t get those images of him and Rebecca out of my head. Knowing that he once loved me—someone that I destroyed—I can’t face him. I keep picturing those moments of passion, the way Rebecca and Fear touched. Gone. Fear’s been wandering the earth in pain just as long as I have. He found Elizabeth and loved again. And again, I ripped that love away from him. His pain, his struggles, his torment. All my fault. I can’t pinpoint the sensation that makes my chest hurt … or maybe I’m not willing to explore it. Not right now.
    Once again the woman and I are silent in the car. The white lines on the road shoot by. It isn’t until we’re back in Tim’s driveway, back at the house that isn’t really mine, that she speaks. The engine idles as she shifts gears again, and the leather seat creaks when she twists to face me.
    “I want to tell you something.” She hesitates, and stillness fills the space between us.