Soul Fire

hurts me
more than I expected.
    ‘Strange time to be playing, right?’
    Javier’s at my side. ‘What do you mean?’
    He shrugs. ‘It is very late at night for a match.’
    I say nothing.
    ‘What is it, Alice?’
    I shake my head. The rules silence me, yet again.
    ‘I get it. You have to be careful. But I can guess, right? It’s your sister?’
    I nod.
    ‘It is one year ago, am I right?’
    I stare at him, but his face gives nothing away in the low light from the paper lanterns.
    ‘How did you know?’ I ask.
    ‘I think I am the only person here who keeps count of each day.’
    ‘But Sam told me no one does. That it drives Guests mad.’
    ‘Sam does not know everything, even if she thinks she does. It’s good to have secrets, especially from nosy bar girls. Makes me feel I have a little . . . control. When, of course, I
have none.’
    ‘Right.’ Javier has always claimed to be happy here, yet why would a happy person bother to tickoff the days in paradise, like a prisoner counting down his sentence?
    ‘You know, Alice, it is better for Meggie that she does not remember.’
    ‘I know,’ I say. ‘Except . . .’
    He looks at me. ‘What?’
    ‘It’s my birthday, too.’
    ‘Ah! And I suppose if you tell her that . . .’
    ‘Then she might remember her own anniversary and I don’t want to make her feel bad.’
    Javier nods. ‘You are a good person, Alice.’ He leans over and kisses me on both cheeks, which is closer than he usually gets to me: I smell alcohol. Is he drunk? ‘Felicitaciones!’
    ‘Thank you.’ I give his body a squeeze. ‘Have you . . . have you thought anymore? About my offer?’
    ‘I haven’t stopped thinking about it. It comforts me, when the perfection of this place makes me want to scream. But let us be realistic. You are an English schoolgirl. My
story begins and ends in another country, in a language you do not speak.’
    ‘I can’t promise anything, Javier, except that if you give me permission, I will try. And there are means. Ways that even a schoolgirl can make a difference. The internet, for
example—’
    He laughs. ‘My father didn’t even know what the internet was. ’
    It’s the first time he’s mentioned his father. ‘Whatever you can tell me could help. About your father, too—’
    ‘ALICE!’ Danny calls out, abandoning the football game, and then striding towards me. ‘You’re early. What a fantastic surprise!’ He kisses me, and over his
shoulder, I see Javier slinking away. Did he ask me for help? I don’t think I got an answer.
    My sister follows, as the game breaks up.
    ‘Hey, little sister. What a treat!’ She puts her arm round me, and for a moment I really want to tell her what day it is. But it’s not fair on her.
    ‘Who won the game?’ I ask.
    Meggie laughs. ‘It’s not the winning, it’s the taking part. Didn’t Miss Gregory always tell you that in your hockey class?’
    ‘Yeah.’ Miss Gregory retired last term. For some reason I don’t want to tell her that either. Even the littlest things must make her realise the world is changing without
her.
    ‘You look very serious,’ she says.
    ‘I’m worried about Javier. How does he seem to you?’
    Danny answers. ‘Still cut up over Gretchen. That’s normal, right?’
    ‘Do you think he wants out?’
    My sister frowns. ‘Come on, Alice. Stop worrying about other people and make the most of your time here, eh? It’s paradise!’
    Tim’s behind her now and she shrugs apologetically. ‘I’ll leave you two in peace, OK.’
    When she’s gone, Danny looks worried. ‘It’s my fault, isn’t it, Alice? Passing on those letters put ideas in your head. But you don’t owe any of us anything. Just
enjoy being with us. With me.’
    He kisses me again. For a few seconds, I pretend we are normal, that he knows what day it is, has presents for me hidden in a bamboo hut, a reservation in my favourite restaurant . . . I long
for even a few moments of ordinariness with the boy I love.
    ‘Alice? Is that you?’
    My eyes spring open.
    Dad.
    I slam the laptop lid without shutting down the Beach, and as I stand up and spin round, he’s coming into the living room.
    I grab my water glass and stand up. ‘Dad! You gave me a fright.’
    ‘So did you.’ He rubs his eyes. ‘What are you doing up so early?’
    ‘Couldn’t sleep. Got up to fetch a drink of water.’ I look down at my glass, and see the fluorescent blue light in my mouse is glowing in the half-light. I edge