Stuart Woods_Stone Barrington 21

papers.”
    “That’s the best advice I’ve had all day,” Herbie said. With some difficulty he got into the sodden overcoat, and Stone walked him to the door.
    “And, Herbie,” Stone said, “don’t let anybody you don’t know into your apartment. Tell the doorman to be on the lookout for strangers who want to see you, and don’t hesitate to call the police if the two guys show up.”
    Herbie nodded and ran for a cab.
    Stone stepped into Joan’s office. “Herbie just took a dip in New York Harbor,” he said.
    “He told me.”
    “How much of Herbie’s retainer is left?”
    “About half a million dollars,” she said.
    “I don’t suppose we can just write him a check.”
    “Yeah, sure.”
    “He’s faxing over some divorce papers from Stephanie.”
    “I’ll bring them to you when they come.”
    Stone nodded and went to his desk. He returned some phone calls, and then Joan buzzed him.
    “Herbie’s on the phone,” she said. “I’ll bring in the papers.”
    Stone picked up the phone. “The fax just arrived, Herbie.”
    “I know, I just sent it.”
    Stone took the papers from Joan. “Hang on while I take a quick look through them.” He did so. “Okay, they’re pretty standard. She wants you to admit to adultery and agree to a divorce.”
    “Adultery? I didn’t do any adultery.”
    “It doesn’t matter. New York is the last state with no-fault divorce; it has to be for cause, the usual choices being adultery, cruelty, or mental cruelty. There’s a move afoot in the state legislature to change that, but it hasn’t happened yet.”
    “How about stealing a billion dollars and running?” Herbie asked. “Is that a good enough cause?”
    Stone thought about it. “Well, it wasn’t your billion dollars, was it? I’m not sure if stealing somebody else’s billion dollars is grounds for divorce.”
    “It’s gotta be,” Herbie said. “I mean, if she had stuck up a liquor store and had gone to prison for it, wouldn’t that be grounds?”
    “Yes, I suppose so, but, Herbie, if you want the quick way out of this, it’s to just sign the papers, and it will soon be over.”
    “I’m not having it said in the papers that I committed adultery.”
    “All right, how about this? I’ll draw up a petition for divorce claiming that she’s the adulterer. You can sue her, instead of the other way around.”
    “I like that better,” Herbie said.
    “Wait a minute, she’s still on the Pacific island, isn’t she?”
    “As far as I know.”
    “Then it would be very difficult to serve her with the papers. Let me call her lawyer and see if we can work out something.”
    “Stone, what about the division of property?”
    “Well, you’re both entitled to equitable division of your assets, but you were only married for a couple of months before she left, the property you each owned before the marriage is exempt, and neither of you would have had time to accumulate much in the way of assets during the marriage.”
    “How about the billion dollars she stole? That was accumulated during the marriage, so isn’t it a marital asset?”
    “Well, now I’m stumped, Herbie. I think there would be a lot of problems with that. First of all, she’s obviously put the money out of reach of the government or anybody else, so even if we won the case, you’d never be able to seize the assets.”
    “Maybe not, but it would be fun to win it.”
    “It would be an expensive process, Herbie.”
    “I still have a big credit with you, don’t I?”
    “It would be throwing good money after bad.”
    “But satisfying.”
    “Herbie, let me talk to her attorney and see what we can work out. I’ll get back to you after Christmas.”
    “Why after Christmas? How long could it take?”
    “People have a way of disappearing from their offices around the holidays, and I’ve got houseguests on my hands. You met one of them this morning.”
    “Well, okay.”
    “I’ll speak to you after New Year’s.”
    “Wait a minute, you said after Christmas.”
    “Nobody’s back in the office until after New Year’s. It’s just a fact of life, Herbie. Bye-bye and Merry Christmas,” Stone said cheerfully, then hung up before he got a response.
    Joan was leaning against the doorjamb, laughing.
    “Oh, shut up,” Stone said.
    “And Merry Christmas to you, too!” she said, and went back to her office.

6
    S tone and Peter arrived at Elaine’s slightly before Dino and Ben, so they had a good view of the boys as they