Stud Rites

had expressed his opinion of Timmy Oliver’s business venture.
    As Betty said, the filth wasn’t confined to the crates. Encrusted dishes spilled out of the tiny sink; greasy pans were stacked on the burners; and a cross-country trip’s worth of fast-food wrappers, cartons, and drink containers lay on the floor. An open bottle of the miracle product lay on its side in a sticky-looking pool on the passenger seat. The dashboard and the open compartments under it were littered with wrinkled maps, crushed soft-drink cans, empty and half-empty cardboard coffee cups, a tom-open carton of cigarettes, a fat paperback book with the front cover missing, and what looked like a hundred dollars’ worth of loose change. The only indication that Tim Oliver paid any attention to personal hygiene was evidence that he took off his dirty socks and underwear. There must have been at least a dozen dark-colored socks scattered around, and almost as many pairs of boxer shorts, some in prints, some in solid colors, none that could be called white. Even in the absence of puppies, I’d have been careful where I stepped.
    Crystal was self-righteous. ”See! I told you so! The one he wanted to sell me is the one there on the right. Now is that a puppy? No, that’s a great big dog.”
    ”She’s probably four months or so,” Betty said. ”Really, they’re—”
    ”Well, that’s not what 1 mean by a puppy,” insisted Crystal.
    The stench was getting to me. I moved back to the door and pushed it wide open. How could a pregnant woman, even one past the phase of morning sickness, breathe in that camper without vomiting? As if to prove her immunity to nausea, Crystal paced to the front of the camper, pulled a pack of cigarettes from the carton, opened it, searched for matches, and, finding none, pulled a green plastic lighter from her own pants pocket and lit a cigarette. Spitting out grains of tobacco, she glared at Betty. ”Well, you’ve seen for yourself! Now, how do I get back my two hundred dollars?”
    Betty and I both knew that we could do nothing about tbe condition of the puppies. Tim Oliver could sell them as he pleased. In the meantime, they had water, they had enough to eat, they looked healthy, and their lives weren’t in danger. It never even occurred to me to try to do anything about Crystal.
    ”You, young lady!” Betty began. ”Put that thing out this second!” When Crystal failed to comply, Betty snatched the cigarette from her hand and tossed it past me and out the door. An odd look of relief crossed Crystal’s face. ”Babies having babies!” Betty exclaimed. ”Well, now, you and I need to have a little talk, because, you know, it’s terribly important to take responsibility for any life that you bring into this world.”
    ”It’s twins,” Crystal told her.
    ”Two! Dear God! You can’t be more than twenty.”
    ”Twenty-one,” Crystal mumbled.
    ”Aren’t you supposed to be getting married? Isn’t this your wedding that’s...?”
    The pout reappeared on Crystal’s face. ”Yeah, but I’m not invited to this part. It’s a wedding breakfast, and I’m not even invited. Do you believe it? My own wedding, and—”
    ”Oh, for heaven’s sake,” Betty sighed, ”any puppy I raise is... Well, look. We have very little time, so let’s make the most of it. First of all, forget about your two hundred dollars, because that foolish Timmy Oliver has spent it by now, and there’s no sense wasting energy on something you can’t change. Second, no dogs for you. Another responsibility is the last thing you need right now. And while we’re on that subject...” Betty paused. ”Catholic?”
    Crystal looked stunned. So, I’m sure, did I. ”N-n-o,” Crystal stammered.
    ”Well, that simplifies matters,” declared Betty, with her familiar blend of optimism and practicality. ”Two children are enough for you right now, and thank heaven, there are a lot of options these days.” Betty cleared her throat.
    Eager not to miss Leah and Kimi’s appearance in the ring, I seized this opportunity to slip away. If I’d had time, I’d have stayed, though. I really was curious. Although I’d heard Betty discuss reproductive responsibility with dozens of dog owners, I’d never before heard her deliver anything like a spay-neuter lecture concerning human reproduction. I couldn’t help wondering how, and even whether, she’d adapt the standard version to its present purpose. Some points, of course, applied equally