Take Care, Sara

and she simultaneously felt weak and strong. Sara’s and Lincoln’s bodies met and connected in a way Sara had only experienced once before. Don’t think about it, she told herself. Sara focused on Lincoln instead; the way his breath hitched, the fire in his eyes, the feel of him inside her, how his body moved with hers, and that fleeting interval when they both were enraptured and as one.
    That moment was perfection and Sara wanted it to never go away; that moment when their human bodies worked magic. That moment when Lincoln looked at her like she was everything. Too soon reality came back, crashing around her, turning something meant to be beautiful into something ugly. Shame, fierce and inescapable, burned through her cheeks.
    When she tried to pull away, Lincoln’s arms stiffened around her. He turned them so his body covered hers, his arms bracing either side of her and raising himself up to be at eyelevel with her. His lips thinned when he took in her expression. “Don’t look like that.”
    “Like what?” she whispered, turning hollow inside.
    “Like that was a mistake,” he ground out, his jaw clenched.
    The life that had flared up in Sara disintegrated, leaving her lost and weak and shattered again. She closed her eyes, trying to forget what she’d just done. It reared up, black and glaring with accusation. An instant of completeness for endless regret. Had it been worth it? She began to cry; silent streams of grief fell from her eyes. Lincoln moved so that he was on his back with one arm holding her against him. Sara wanted to let him hold her, she wanted to let him take it all away, and because of that, she had to go.
    “Let me go, Lincoln,” she quietly told him, staring at the ceiling. Even as she told herself to pull away, Sara felt her fingers flex into his muscled side. It was an unconscious action, but not missed by her.
    “Never,” he vowed, tightening his hold on her.
    The tears fell harder, sliding from her face to his chest. “I need to go, Lincoln.”
    Cursing, he released her. “Why?”
    “Because…” She sat up, holding the blanket against her nakedness.
    “Because this was wrong, a mistake, and you regret it? Is that why?” Lincoln pulled himself into a sitting position. “It wasn’t, Sara. You know that. It was right . And that’s why you’re scared.”
    “I can’t…I can’t think about this right now, Lincoln.” Sara moved from the bed, clutching the blanket to her as she searched for her discarded clothes. Her heart began to pound with remorse. She’d betrayed him. She’d betrayed their love. Sara was hunched over, staring at her pale blue shirt, when the anguish mounted and became too much. She went to her knees, sobbing.
    “Dammit, Sara, stop this,” Lincoln pleaded, tugging on his boxers and going to his knees before her. “ Stop this . When are you going to stop hating yourself so much?” He grabbed her forearms and held them tightly, forcing them down when she went to cover her face. “Don’t hide from me, Sara, and don’t run away. Please .”
    Sara stared at him, wishing his image would blur and disappear, but it didn’t. Lincoln stared back, his features fierce and immovable. He wasn’t going anywhere. But she’d thought the same of her husband, hadn’t she? Her soul shriveled, died a little more, at the realization.
    “I can’t stand this emptiness inside me anymore when you’re gone, Sara,” he said raggedly.
    “I need to go, Lincoln,” she repeated, softly but firmly. That much she knew. Sara didn’t know a lot of things at the moment, but she knew that.
    She hurriedly gathered up her clothes and tugged them on; feeling his eyes burning into her the whole time, speaking so loudly her ears rang, telling her all his thoughts and feelings with just the heat of his gaze. It didn’t matter what he was saying or thinking or feeling, or even not saying; Sara couldn’t deal with it. In the quiet it was so loud.
    When she was almost out the bedroom door, his words stopped her. “You’re still living, Sara.”
    Sara took a shaky breath, her chest squeezing and squeezing until she thought it would explode. “Maybe I shouldn’t be.”
    The air crackled with his angry strides and then he was yanking her around, glaring down into her face with his expressive eyes. “You don’t get to die with him. I won’t let you .”
    “How do you know…I already didn’t?” she choked out, spinning around and running down the stairs, trying to