Take Care, Sara

knotting. Everything was wrong; his words, his behavior. None of it was Lincoln.
    “Why not? What have I got to lose?” His eyes, previously hidden in the dark, sparked with silver fire as they trailed up and down her face. Not you , those eyes said.
    Sara’s skin chilled more than it already was and she rubbed her arms. “Lincoln, this isn’t you.”
    “Do you know the term ‘broken record’?” he softly mocked.
    Her face flushed. “Yes. I do,” she said stiffly. “Are you implying something?”
    “I don’t think implying is necessary. It’s pretty obvious. You’ve been saying the same things over and over since you got here. By the way, why are you here?”
    “I wanted to check on you,” she said, sounding lame and feeling lame. I missed you. I need you.
    “Well, here I am.” Lincoln lifted his arms out, his movement raising his shirt and exposing his hard stomach. “You did your civic duty. You’re not obligated to hover. I’m a big boy.”
    “Lincoln, what you said—“
    “Which time?” he interrupted.
    Sara walked over to him, close enough to feel his heat, close enough to smell the undetectable vodka scent. It was sharp, like frozen air, or ice. Not really anything, but different from Lincoln’s normal citrus scent. It didn’t belong on him.
    “About your feelings for me…” Sara trailed off, not knowing how to continue.
    “I can’t do this anymore,” he said softly, halting her from taking another step or speaking another word. “I was an idiot to say anything. I was an idiot to think it would matter. I was an idiot to think it would change anything, make any difference. I was an idiot to think maybe you had the same feelings for me I have for you. It was wrong of me. Cole is my brother. I never should have—anyway…forget it. Pretend I never said it, any of it.”
    Sara tried to breathe, but it was stolen from her with the weight of his words. Pain pierced her heart, welled inside it, and broke it. “What?” she dumbly asked.
    Lincoln turned his head away and she could see his jaw clench and unclench. “I don’t know why I thought anything I said would matter. You’re still in love with my brother. Maybe you always will be. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’m going to leave you alone now, Sara.” He looked at her then and Sara’s stomach dipped from the force of his gaze no darkness could hide. “My first mistake was thinking I could pretend I didn’t feel the way I do about you, my second mistake was thinking things could go back to the way they were after I told you how I feel, but…they can’t. I see you and I’m just, I’m so angry and I hurt and…”
    Lincoln ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up in spots. Her fingers itched to smooth it down. “Or maybe my first mistake was letting myself fall in love with you. Not that I had any choice, not really.” Lincoln exhaled loudly. “Forget about me. Forget what I said. I don’t think you can move on with me bothering you, which is what you need to do. So I won’t. I’ll stay away.” His throat worked and he said in a voice that sounded like gravel, “You should go.”
    She didn’t want to go. Sara wanted to enfold Lincoln in her arms and make his sorrow go away, but what he wanted, what he was asking for; she couldn’t give it to him. Not now. Maybe not ever. So she left, leaving a piece of her behind with Lincoln. The more time she spent with him, the more he took of her. Pretty soon there would be nothing left of Sara; it would all be with Lincoln. That thought scared her, hurried her feet as she made her way to the car. He scared her.
     
     
     

15
     
     
     
    Sara put the car in park, and turned the key. The engine went silent. She stared at the log-sided building with apprehension. The house was a house that held memories and pain and love. It held Lincoln too. Her pulse tripped and her heart raced, making Sara dizzy from them overworking.
    It had been two weeks and one day since she’d last seen Lincoln, and every day she’d picked up the phone to call him and instead had hung it back up. Sara was a mess. Her thoughts, her feelings…she didn’t even know if what she felt was real. That was what bothered her the most. What if he was the replacement brother? What if none of it was real and one day Sara would realize it? She’d end up hurting Lincoln and that thought killed her. It literally made her chest ache. Sara didn’t even know what she felt for