Tales of the City 07 - Michael Tolliver Lives

and Lenore were at each other’s throats all week, so I went out to the Gospel Palms and told Mama she owed Lenore some respect since Lenore only wanted the best for her. And Mama went ballistic, said she didn’t wanna die lookin’ at that evil woman’s face, and I asked her why on earth she would say such a thing, and…she told me.”
    “In front of Lenore?”
    “No. I went to Lenore myself. She was doin’ a puppet show up in Eustis.”
    I could almost see the felt flying. “What did she say?”
    “She said it happened only once or twice, and she did it to keep peace in the family.”
    “What?”
    “Papa had been at her for years, she said. She just wanted to put it to rest.”
    “Do you believe her?”
    “I don’t know what I believe,” said Irwin.

23
    Terms of Abasement
    M y brother’s second drink arrived with the food. He polished it off before the waitress left and ordered another.
    “You sure?” I asked.
    “I’m sure,” he said, sawing ferociously into his steak.
    I felt awful for him. As Papa’s innately unacceptable son, I’d known the sting of the old man’s narcissism for decades, but Irwin had been blindsided in the worst possible way. “He didn’t do it to hurt you,” I told him. “He did it because he could—because everything revolved around him. He didn’t think about anyone else. He took what he wanted.”
    He grunted as he chewed on a mouthful of steak.
    “I’m really sorry, Irwin.”
    Another grunt.
    “At least you’ll have the Promise Keepers.”
    “Say what?”
    “The convention in San Jose. That should be a good boost for your spirits. The fellowship and all.”
    Silence.
    “What’s the matter?”
    “There’s no convention,” he said. “I just said that because…I didn’t want you to think I was comin’ out just to see you.”
    “Why not?”
    He shrugged. “Too much pressure, I guess.”
    “Pressure? On who ?”
    “I dunno—”
    “I like the pressure, Irwin. I like that you thought of me.”
    He stared bleakly at the tabletop. “Who else am I’m gonna think of?”
    It wasn’t the declaration one might have hoped for, but it almost warmed my heart. Unless that was the scotch. Whatever the reason, I was grinning over a brand-new irony.
    “You lied about the Promise Keepers?”

    We circled the grotesquerie again and again, making less and less sense of it. When Irwin was done with his third drink, I decided to cut to the chase.
    “So what are you gonna do now?”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Are you gonna…lift the banishment?”
    He made a nervous circle on the table with his glass. “How can I live with her now, knowing what happened?”
    I shrugged. “How can you not?”
    “I could do it…believe you me.”
    “Irwin, you can’t make scrambled eggs.”
    “Well, that’s not—”
    “Has she asked for forgiveness?”
    “She said she asks the Lord every day.”
    “Has she asked you ?”
    “I s’pose…I was yellin’ a lot.”
    “Understandably.”
    A long silence.
    “Do you still love her?”
    “Mikey…she did this in our house! Her and Papa were—”
    “I’ve got the picture, Irwin. But it was eighteen years ago, and you’ve got a nice new house and a sweet grandkid, and you and Lenore are each other’s person in the world. The only way to take your life back is to forgive her. It’s obvious she’s tried to atone for this. She’s been atoning us to death for years. Forgive her and stop the damn puppets.”
    I caught him suppressing a smile.
    “You must love her,” I added. “You bought her a Thomas Kinkade.” (I couldn’t believe I was citing that god-awful “chapel in the dell” as proof of anything, but a desperate situation called for desperate measures.) “It’s not as simple as that,” said Irwin. “Mama never wants to see her again.”
    “Then see that she doesn’t. Tell Lenore to stay away from the Gospel Palms. That shouldn’t be hard. Just be the man—tell her what you want and what Mama wants. Isn’t that what the Promise Keepers would tell you?”
    I thought I’d gone too far, but he was still listening.
    “And cut yourself some slack. None of this shit is your fault. It’s okay to enjoy yourself, Irwin. Especially right now.” I widened my eyes suggestively. “If you ask me, the Lord owes you one.”
    Irwin gazed at me morosely. “What do you mean?”
    I picked up the bill holder and slipped my credit card into the slot. Irwin mumbled in protest, but I shooed him away. “You can