The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared

name was Herbert and it was as if… they had something in common. He must be at least thirty yearsolder than her, but she didn’t think that mattered, because she was… in love! And her feelings were reciprocated. Herbert had never before met anybody who was anywhere near as slow-witted as he himself was.
    When Ni Wayan Laksmi turned fifteen, her father had given her a language book, the idea being that his daughter would use it to learn Dutch, because Indonesia was at that time a Dutch colony. After four years of struggle with the book, a Dutchman came to visit. Ni Wayan Laksmi dared for the first time to try out the Dutch that had been so difficult to learn, and was told that what she was speaking was German. Her father, who wasn’t terribly bright himself, had given her the wrong book.
    Now, thirteen years later, that unfortunate circumstance had unexpectedly useful results, because Ni Wayan Laksmi and Herbert could speak to each other and declare their love.
    Next Herbert asked for half of the pile of dollars that Mao Tse-tung had given to Allan, after which he sought out Ni Wayan Laksmi’s father and asked for the hand of his eldest daughter. Her father thought he was being made fun of. Here was a foreigner, a white man with his pockets full of money, who was asking for the hand of by far the most stupid of his daughters. The fact that he even knocked on the door was a sensation. Ni Wayan Laksmi’s family belonged to the Sudra caste, the lowest of the four castes on Bali.
    ‘Are you sure this is the right house?’ asked the father. ‘And is it my eldest daughter you mean?’
    Herbert Einstein replied that although he usually muddled things up, on this particular occasion he was quite certain he was right.
     
    Two weeks later, they were married, after Herbert had converted to… some religion the name of which he had forgotten.But it was quite a fun one, with elephant heads and that sort of thing.
    Over this period Herbert had tried to learn the name of his new wife, but in the end he gave up.
    ‘Darling,’ he said. ‘I can’t remember your name. Would you be very sorry if I call you Amanda instead?’
    ‘Not at all, dear Herbert. Amanda sounds nice. But why Amanda?’
    ‘I don’t know,’ said Herbert. ‘Do you have a better idea?’
    Ni Wayan Laksmi didn’t, so from that moment on she was Amanda Einstein.
    Herbert and Amanda bought a house in the village of Sanur, not far from the hotel and beach where Allan spent his days. Amanda stopped waitressing; she thought it was just as well to give her notice – she would be fired some day anyway because she never did anything right. Now they just had to decide what to do for the future.
    Just like Herbert, Amanda muddled everything up that could be muddled up. Left became right, up became down, here became there… So she never had any education. The very least it demanded was that you could regularly find your way to school.
    But now Amanda and Herbert had an awful lot of dollars and so everything would certainly sort itself out. Amanda was admittedly terribly unintelligent, she explained to her husband, but she wasn’t stupid!
    And then she told Herbert that in Indonesia everything was for sale, and so anyone who had money could get anything he wanted. Herbert didn’t really understand what his wife meant, and Amanda knew what it was like not being able to understand, so instead of explaining it further, she said:
    ‘Dear Herbert, tell me something that you would like for yourself.’
    ‘Do you mean… like being able to drive a car?’
    ‘Yes, exactly!’ said Amanda.
    And then she excused herself, she had some things to do. But she would be back before the evening meal.
     
    Three hours later, she was home again. She had with her a newly issued driver’s licence in Herbert’s name. But that wasn’t all. She also had a diploma that showed that Herbert was a certified driving instructor and a receipt showing that she had just bought the local driving school and given it a new name: Einstein’s School for Driving.
    This was all fantastic, Herbert thought, but… it didn’t make him a better driver, did it? Well, yes, in a way it did, Amanda explained. Now he had a position. Now he would decide what was good driving and what wasn’t. Life worked in such a way that right was not necessarily right, but rather what the person in charge said was right.
    Herbert’s face lit up: he got it!
     
    Einstein’s School for Driving soon became a