The Adventure at Baskerville Hall & Other Cases

the only way forward was to brazen it out. Holmes was regarding me with an air that said further explanations were unnecessary, but nevertheless I tightened the belt of my dressing-gown with as much aplomb as I could muster as I continued.
    "I am perfectly well aware that you and Douglas Maberley were rather more than mere acquaintances. What I do not understand is why you have been taking such trouble to keep it from me." As I had been speaking I had crossed the room until I stood before him, looking down into his face, and more gently I said, "I don't resent the fact that you had lovers before me. I am not so naïve as to imagine that a man as attractive as you would have remained celibate until I met you."
    At this he quirked a smile at me, albeit a small one, and reached for me. I sank down to sit astride his thighs, conscious that our positions perfectly replicated those of yesterday morning, and his arm settled around my waist as he replied, "John, despite the fact that I frequently seem to underestimate you, I do in fact have the highest opinion of your intelligence. I knew that you had guessed that Douglas was an old lover."
    "Then it is something else that has been preoccupying you," I said slowly, searching his face. "Perhaps how it ended?" He bit his lip and I knew that I had found my mark. "That's it, isn't it? Whatever was between the pair of you did not end well, and now you feel guilty."
    Sighing, Holmes shrugged in defeat. "I may as well tell you, since you have clearly deduced the essential points on your own. When I met Douglas I had just arrived in Florence after my battle with Moriarty at the Reichenbach Falls. I was exhausted after my mad flight but more than that, I was heart-sick and half-mad with grief." His voice softened and he cupped my face, thumb stroking across my cheekbone. "I had just left you standing on the ledge of the Falls and screaming my name into that dreadful abyss as though you were breaking apart. I had longed so to go down to you but I dared not – it was imperative that everyone should think I was dead, even you, my darling. Furthermore, you had Mary, you were happy, and I was determined to leave you to your new life with your wife and to try to rid myself of my hopeless infatuation with you."
    I captured the hand that was still caressing my face and brought it to my lips, bestowing soft kisses on the long fingers. "Not so hopeless as all that," I teased gently, trying to provoke a smile for he looked distant and lost in the past. It did not work.
    "I did not know when or if I would ever see you again, and every time I thought about it I felt I would lose my mind. Douglas was a ... distraction. He could never replace what I truly wanted, but he occupied my mind for a time. However, I am afraid that I may have been rather brusque with him, particularly at the end."
    I could well imagine this. I had witnessed Holmes's black moods firsthand and knew how short his temper could be at such times. Knowing now that he had loved me, even then, I could only imagine the depths of his despair. I tried to imagine how I would feel if I were forced to leave him, not knowing when or if I would ever see him again. My mind shied away from it, and my hand rose involuntarily to rest against the side of his neck.
    "So there you have it," Holmes said quietly, almost resignedly. "We were lovers, briefly, but I did not conduct myself quite as well as I ought to have done. I did not love him, I could not, and at the time it never occurred to me to wonder if he might have wanted me to–"
    "Stop," I said firmly. "Enough. Such morbid dwelling on the past is not like you at all. If I know you, then I know that you would never have given the young man the impression that you felt more for him than that of a casual affair."
    For Holmes had many faults – arrogance, impatience, a cool detachment that was sometimes almost intolerable – but deceitfulness was not among them.
    "Of course not," he said.
    "Then you are not responsible for whatever choices he made after you parted. To each his own life. What's done is done, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are an extraordinary man, Holmes, but even you cannot foresee all ends."
    "Not so very extraordinary, underneath it all," Holmes demurred.
    It was highly uncharacteristic for Holmes to so belittle his own talents, and I caught his chin in my hand, forcing him to meet my gaze as I quoted, " 'The greatest thing a human soul ever does in this