The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents

out of the kid's arms, and landed lightly on the cobbles. 'Honestly, if only I was good at ventrilosqwism we could make a fortune,' he grumbled.
    'Ventrilosqwism?' said the kid, watching the man's retreating back.
    'It's where you open and shut your mouth and I do the talking,' said Maurice. 'Why didn't you sell me? I could've been back in ten minutes! I heard of a man who made a fortune selling homing pigeons, and he only had the one!'
    'Don't you think there's something wrong with a town where people'd pay more than a dollar for a loaf of bread?' said the kid. 'And pay half a dollar just for a rat tail?'
    'Just so long as they've got enough money left to pay the piper,' said Maurice. 'Bit of luck there already being a plague of rats here, eh? Quick, pat me on the head, there's a girl watching us.'
    The kid looked up. There was a girl watching them. People were passing up and down the street, and some of them walked between the kid and the girl, but she stood stock still and just stared at him. And at Maurice. She had the same nail-you-to-the-wall look that he associated with Peaches. She looked like the kind of person who asked questions . And her hair was too red and her nose was too long. And she wore a long black dress with black lace fringing. No good comes of that sort of thing.
    She marched across the street and confronted the kid. 'You're new, aren't you? Come here looking for work, have you? Probably sacked from your last job, I expect. Probably because you fell asleep, and things got spoiled. That was probably what it was. Or you ran away because your master beat you with a big stick, although,' she added, as another idea struck her, 'you probably deserved it because of being lazy. And then you probably stole the cat, knowing how much people would pay for a cat here. And you must have gone mad with hunger because you were talking to the cat and everyone knows that cats can't talk.'
    'Can't say a single word,' said Maurice.
    'And probably you're a mysterious boy who-' The girl stopped and gave Maurice a puzzled look. He arched his back and said 'prppt', which is cat language for 'biscuits!' 'Did that cat just say something?' she demanded.
    'I thought that everyone knew that cats can't talk,' said the kid.
    'Ah, but maybe you were apprenticed to a wizard,' said the girl. 'Yes, that sounds about right. That'll do for now. You were an apprentice to a wizard, but you fell asleep and let the cauldron of bubbling green stuff boil over and he threatened to turn you into a, a, a-'
    'Gerbil,' said Maurice, helpfully.
    '-a gerbil, and you stole his magical cat because you hated it so much and-what's a gerbil? Did that cat just say "gerbil"?'
    'Don't look at me!' said the kid. 'I'm just standing here!'
    'All right, and then you brought the cat here because you know there's a terrible famine and that's why you were going to sell it and that man would have given you ten dollars, you know, if you'd held out for it.'
    'Ten dollars is too much money even for a good ratter,' said the kid.
    'Ratter? He wasn't interested in catching rats!' said the red-haired girl. 'Everyone's hungry here! There's at least two meals on that cat!'
    'What? You eat cats here?' said Maurice, his tail fluffing like a brush.
    The girl leaned down to Maurice with a dreadful grin, just like the one that Peaches always wore when she'd won an argument with him, and prodded him on the nose with a finger. 'Got you!' she said. 'You fell for a very simple trick! I think you two had better come with me, don't you? Or I'll scream. And people listen to me when I'm screaming!'

CHAPTER 3
    "Never go into the Dark Wood, my friend," said Ratty Rupert. "There are bad things in there"
    - From Mr Bunnsy Has An Adventure
    Far below Maurice's paws, the rats were creeping through the undertown of Bad Blintz. Old towns are like that. People build down as well as up. Cellars butt against other cellars, and some of the cellars get forgotten-except by creatures that want to stay out of sight.
    In the thick, warm, damp darkness a voice said, 'All right, who's got the matches?'
    'Me, Dangerous Beans. Feedsfour.'
    'Well done, young rat. And who has the candle?'
    'Me, sir. [2] <> I'm Bitesize.'
    'Good. Put it down and Peaches will light it.'
    There was a lot of scuffling in the darkness. Not all the rats had got used to the idea of making fire, and some were getting out of the way.
    There was a scratching noise, and then the match flared. Holding the match with both front