The Between Years

allow him to just dial his party's extension. Once the message ended, he dialled up his supervisor Diane, and tapped his leg while the phone rang.

    “ Diane Walker.”

    “ Hey, Diane, it's Randy. Listen, I know I'm supposed to work from one 'till nine tonight, but I just don't think I'll be able to make it.”

    “ Something wrong?”

    “ Oh, nothing major, just woke up feeling pretty green this morning, you know how it is.”

    “ Sure do. Would you believe I was off for a whole week with the flu last fall? Oh, wait, of course you would. But what an ordeal!”

    “ Anyway, I think it's time I cash in some of my sick hours. God knows I've got a load of them coming to me.”

    “ Hey, don't you worry about a thing. You've been as dependable as can be, besides it's way more important that you take enough time to take care of yourself. Hopefully we'll see you tomorrow, okay?”

    “ Gotcha. See you tomorrow.”

    “ 'kay, bye.”

    When he hung up, he truly felt like he'd parted ways with reality. He worried that his situation with Kenny would interfere with his job, which was something he certainly didn't need. That sort of thing was what happened to alcoholics and gambling addicts. At least he had some control over it and needn't feel defeated. He would use today to regroup, to sort things out, and then head back to work.

    Then he reflected on what Kenny had said to him. He was fully expecting to see Carol, and he certainly wasn't amused to learn that Randy hadn't made good on his promise. He'd expected Randy's word to be his bond, which Randy understood because he'd likely taught him that principle in the years that had passed in between, the years he knew nothing about. Most of all, he wanted to pull through for Kenny because a promise is a promise and he wanted to be a proper example for his son.

    He reflected on how Kenny had made him feel like a prisoner, but he understood that it didn't stop there. Carol would have a hand in making an impossible situation much worse. Carol had been difficult since Kenny had died, he couldn't keep his promise, and Kenny would hate him forever.

    Then he realized just how royally screwed he really was now that he was faced with this scenario. As someone once said, he was caught between the rock and the hard place. Never before did he believe he would have to choose between his son and his marriage. To him, they were part of one unit, the family unit at a bare minimum, but he preferred to think of it as something more powerful. And as angry as he'd been with Carol, he would admit that he still loved her, and that he couldn't imagine having one without the other.

    That meant he would have to include Carol whether Kenny forced his hand or not. But that was okay, he decided. Maybe he wouldn't be able to act on his own terms, but who really did? All he'd wanted right along was to have his family back together.

    But somehow, the idea seemed too good to be true. Like how he'd wandered into his Nana's room and found Kenny. Was that really him, or was it a facade? He'd woken up the next morning to find that he'd experienced a little bit of each, and he didn't know in what direction it was leaning, and he felt too nervous to take a chance.

    Randy worried that any decision he made would wind up in disaster. And why not? He'd tried to please Kenny only to learn that the boy resented him anyway. If he tried to please Carol by coming home, he would never see Kenny again, and would be unable to keep an eye on him. He still couldn't shake the worry that he was unsafe in that house alone. If he chose Kenny and couldn't extend his hand to Carol, he would never be able to have a relationship with Kenny anyway. And if he threw up his hands and refused to make a decision, he knew he should anticipate the same result. Maybe something worse would happen.

    Stomping back upstairs, he slipped into the bathroom and splashed water over his face. He'd already missed his morning tea and needed a quick wakeup call. Then he pulled his shirt over his head, dropped his pajama bottoms and jumped in the shower.

    If such a decision was necessary at all, he would be much happier, but he knew his hands were tied. That was a part of adult life that he could teach Kenny one day, if he was willing to listen. Randy took some comfort in knowing that Kenny would come back to him. Whether he would be safe in the meantime was another question, one that gave him another reason to long for nightfall. So long