The Between Years

decisions and I can't be responsible for his.

    Was it worth it? We're all forced to make decisions in life, for better or worse. And when we make them, we must live with them. If I'm forced to weigh the pros and cons, I would say there were easily more cons than pros, because I can't mend the heartbreak after what happened to Randy. But your independence, self-respect and personal strength is something you simply can't put a price tag on.

    Not that I'm cold-hearted or anything, but that one aspect was missing from my life. I suppose that, in spite of the pros and cons, we must live with the aftermath of our decisions. I didn't desire what wound up happening to Randy. I wanted to be with him, and for everything to return to the way it used to be. Most of all, I still want answers. Who wouldn't? If Randy's fate had to be so bizarre, I would at least like to know the complete truth.

CHAPTER 26
    Randy gazed into the mirror: his eyes were bloodshot, but he was unsure as to why. Stress, he supposed, could have contributed to it, or maybe his lack of sleep had caught up with him. He hadn't bothered to shave in a few days and the short crop of beard growth had begun to fill in. Time to take care of that. He wanted to look-and smell-perfect for his coffee date with Carol tonight.

    Had he just called it a date? With his own wife? In a way, he supposed that it was. He reflected on their history and remembered how Carol had been the one to do the chasing and that he'd never needed to invest the effort that so many must do on a first date. That, and he'd been spared the nervous tension and anxiety that rack so many on first dates.

    So he grabbed a razor and a can of Gillette shaving cream, sprayed some foam into the palm of his hand, and spread it across his face. He ran the Bic razor under hot water and started shaving above his upper lip. At first the bristles were thick, and he felt like the razor was yanking them from the sockets, but soon they shaved off clean.

    And what to do about his eyes? He supposed there was little he could do except to pray that she didn't notice. Maybe her eyes would be as bloodshot as his, and they would truly meet as equals.

    Once he was finished, he stripped down, stepped into the shower, and drifted off while the hot water sprayed his front, his back. The muscles that had screamed out to him after having fallen asleep in the most awkward places, finally relaxed. He was grateful to no longer feel like he was one hundred years old. As he rubbed soap over his chest, trunk and upper thighs, he wished he'd never need to step out.

    Finally, he decided he should get moving, so he twisted the taps off, stepped out of the tub, and toweled off. He'd done some laundry since he'd come to live in the house, so he wasn't short of clean clothes, but he hadn't taken his best clothes with him when he'd left either. That and he didn't dare stop by the house to pick some up either.

    As for what to wear, he stuck to a golf shirt with a white t-shirt underneath, and a pair of khaki pants. If he wore anything too nice, he worried that he would look desperate. And Carol would no doubt smell that desperation like blood in the water. Besides, he returned to the idea that they could re-start their lives as equals, which meant that he needn't try and one-up her.

    And this truly would be a new beginning, he thought, as he fixed his hair with his fingers and a few wads of hair wax. The history that they shared meant a lot to Randy, but he understood how flawed it had become, and that it would be in their best interests to tear it down. Their relationship could be shiny and new, and he thought it would be a perfect way to forget about all the shit that they'd been through. A clean slate seemed like the only way.

    Finally, he slapped on a dab of cologne, slipped on his shoes and headed to the door. A knot tightened in his stomach as he strolled to the car and grew tighter when he pulled the door handle and hopped in. His fingers trembled when he touched the keys to the ignition. Now this was precisely like a first date, he decided.

    He kept the car facing out in the additional portion of the long driveway, otherwise pulling out would be nearly impossible. As he pulled out onto the Niagara Boulevard, he switched on the air conditioning, which helped to relieve his stress as he headed downtown.

    By 7:30, most of the traffic had filtered out of Jarvis street, and he found a parking space right in front of the shop.