The Between Years

nearly popped out. He dashed forward to grab it, and dunked it into the bin. That would have been just his luck on a day that couldn't get any shittier, he decided.

    He waited outside the shop until the girl locked the front door, turned the 'CLOSED' sign, and shut out the lights, given the remote chance that Carol might show. Then he realized he was fooling himself and that he shouldn't cause himself any more pain.

    On the short drive home, he felt a lump grow in his throat until it seemed to have consumed his entire esophagus. Don't do it, he thought. Don't freakin' cry. He knew that was the one way of admitting to both defeat and abject failure, but he also knew he could not control his emotions once they'd begun to flow freely.

    When he arrived home, he threw his car keys down on the kitchen table, dragged a chair out, and resumed the coffee shop position. Let the time fly. That would take him nowhere fast, he decided, but a person sometimes needed to take a breather like that before they hopped back into the game. And, by the looks of things, he would need a prolonged reprieve.

    Once more, he fished his Blackberry from his pocket, fumbled over the numbers as he phoned home, and received no answer. The voice mail picked up-she hadn't changed it from the outgoing message with both of their voices-and this time he was determined to leave a message. The message wouldn't be angry per se, but would be peppered enough to make sure she understood that he'd shown up for their date on time, and waited several hours for her. A return call with an explanation would be up to her.

    “ Hi Carol, it's Randy.” He knew his heavy breathing over the line would be apparent, but he did so to keep from using an angry tone. “I just wanted to catch up with you about our coffee date. I showed up, I waited for you, and I just wanted to see what's up. Maybe we can reschedule. Bye.”

    When he hung up, he decided to forget about it. How exactly he would erase it from his mind-and his heart-sounded easier said than done. He didn't want to believe that this was the end, but after his own wife had stood him up, what was left for him to think? If Carol really had pulled the plug with him, he would be in serious trouble with Kenny.

    But that couldn't be right, he decided, or fair. Kenny must have overheard him leaving the message and he wanted the kid to know how much effort he'd invested into trying to bring his mother back to him. He'd endured heartbreak and humiliation-whether or not those around him had known it-just to try and reconcile with Carol enough to facilitate a meeting between him and his mother.

    Kenny could kick up all the fuss he wanted; Randy decided that he didn't care anymore. He wanted to be the boy's father, not his slave. And, while he was putting his foot down, he would teach Kenny a lesson about how to be understanding about human failure. He would explain to him that sometimes people had to make promises that they couldn't keep. And, when they did, decent people always forgave. He would explain that if he'd done that with Carol, this mess wouldn't have even started. Kenny should learn more from his father's mistakes than his triumphs, he decided.

    But if the last few days had taught him anything, it was that Kenny didn't have to understand anything. That or he could simply refuse to be forgiving.

CHAPTER 27
    Randy left his Blackberry on in case Carol tried to reach him, but he figured that if she hadn't done so yet, he shouldn't hold his breath. With all the surprises he'd encountered in the last week, Carol's snub had surprised him the most. She wasn't supposed to have blown him off, and he wasn't supposed to do it to her; they were supposed to smooth everything over so they could move on with their lives.

    Only then did he realize that he wouldn't have a happily ever after ending. He thought that he'd learned that when Kenny died, but it only became completely apparent after his rebirth and rapid maturity in the walls. Kenny's blasé and eventually angry attitude towards him should have been an indication of worse to come, he supposed. And how he realized how irreparable his family was not that Carol had essentially pulled the plug on him.

    When he considered it, he realized how few consequences he'd ever faced. Whenever anything had gone wrong, he'd always had the chance to redo it, to make it right, and that threats (particularly from his parents) had always been empty. He realized that he'd