The Book of Death (Bourbon Kid 4)

for fuck’s sake!’
    There was a chorus of
“Ohhhh” from the girls. Then Papshmir spoke again, much quieter this time.
‘What’s that smell?’ he asked.
    One of the girls spoke
up in response. ‘Veronica just shit her pants.’
    ‘Where?’
    ‘In your confessional
box.’
    ‘Holy shit. Not again!’
    Kacy hit send on her text and thought
hard about what to do. Drastic action was required. A text to the Bourbon Kid
might be a good idea too, she decided. But with Dante possibly in grave danger
and the confessional box in the church filled with shit, she decided her best
option would be to get out of the church and head to the museum as quickly as
possible.

 
    Forty-Nine

 
    Normally the museum would be
closed by five o’clock. And in light of all of the murdering going on in the
city it made more sense than ever for the place to be shut. But as Dante and
Vanity walked up the steps at the front of the building Dante was surprised to
find the front doors were wide open.
    ‘That’s kind of odd, don’t you
think?’ he remarked.
    ‘I’d say it’s a stroke of luck,
personally,’ said Vanity coolly.
    ‘You’d think that security would
have the place locked up though, right? I mean when I worked here the place
closed on time every day. They were hot on that kind of thing.’
    ‘It’s under new management
though isn’t it?’
    ‘I guess so. Rotten news about
Professor Cromwell getting killed. I really liked him. I never quite got around
to apologising to him for calling him a cunt last time I saw him either.’
    ‘You called the Professor a
cunt?’
    ‘Yeah. In my defence, though, he
had just stabbed me.’
    Vanity looked somewhat perplexed.
‘I’d have done more than just call him a cunt.’
    Dante reached the front doors
and peered around them. The reception hall was empty. ‘I don’t like the look of
this,’ he said. ‘Something’s not right.’
    Vanity strolled confidently past
him into the reception area. ‘Don’t be such a wuss. This is a good omen,’ he
said. ‘All we’ve gotta do is find Gaius and we’re home. This couldn’t have
worked out better.’
    Dante frowned. ‘I’m no genius,
but this looks a bit fucking suspect to me. Don’t you think this whole thing is
a bit odd? I mean, what if Gaius knows we’re coming? We could be walking into a
trap.’
    Vanity smiled. ‘You’re right
about one thing.’
    ‘What’s that?’
    ‘You’re no genius.’
    ‘Thanks. You’re hardly Alfred
Einstein yourself.’
    ‘Albert.’
    ‘Huh?’
    Vanity shook his head. ‘Look
man, you’re just being paranoid. Come on, let’s try downstairs and see if he’s
around. We should hurry. Don’t want to miss our chance.’
    Vanity seemed very keen to get
down to the main hall. Now Dante was relatively aware of the fact that most
people thought he was a moron. Kacy frequently warned him about rushing
headlong into trouble. And his gut instincts were telling him this was trouble.
Why on earth should he trust Vanity? Kacy had been convinced by his story about
wanting to be human again because she’d seen his wedding video. Dante hadn’t
seen it. All he’d ever seen was that Vanity liked killing people and drinking
their blood. And he could kick a clown’s ass as well as anyone. But Dante
hadn’t really seen any signs of remorse from him. He seemed to love being a
vampire. Some clarification was required.
    ‘Vanity.’
    ‘Come on man,’ Vanity said, once
more waving him along to the corridor at the end of the reception area.
    ‘Are you on the level here?’
    ‘What?’
    ‘Are you setting me up?’
    Vanity looked puzzled. ‘What do
you mean?’
    ‘I mean, I smell a rat. I really
don’t see you desperately wanting to be human again. What I do see is you
leading me into a meeting with Gaius. And let me get this straight, you’re
telling me he comes here to have his eye cleaned?’
    ‘Polished.’
    Dante took stock of what was
being said for a moment. Kacy had been so excited about this opportunity to get
their hands on the Eye that he had allowed himself to get caught up in it all
without really thinking it through.
    ‘Surely he can polish his own
eye. Jeez, it’s gotta be like wiping the lenses on your glasses, surely. He
could polish it with a fucking handkerchief, for fuck’s sake.’
    Vanity frowned. ‘Are you calling
me a shit?’
    ‘No. I’m just saying that
something’s not right here. This doesn’t add up.’
    Vanity walked aggressively
towards him.