The Book of Death (Bourbon Kid 4)

church. The door marked “Toilet” was on the right. She
walked over to it, glancing back at the girls to give them a reassuring smile.
They were all now ducked down between the pews peering over them.
    Kacy knocked on the
toilet door. ‘Is there someone in there?’ she asked.
    A man’s voice replied.
‘Who’s that?’
    ‘My name is Kacy. Who
are you?’
    ‘I’m the priest, Father
Papshmir.’
    ‘Why are you locked in
the toilet then?’
    ‘I locked myself in
here when the vampires came in. Have they gone?’
    ‘Yes, they’re all
dead.’
    ‘Are you sure?’
    ‘Positive. It’s just me
and a group of Sunflower Girls here now.’
    ‘Has Vanity gone?’
    Kacy frowned. ‘How do
you know Vanity?’
    ‘Has he gone?’
    ‘Yeah, he’s gone.’
    She heard the sound of
the toilet door unlocking. The door opened inwards and the face of an elderly
priest peered around it. ‘Thank God for that,’ he said.
    ‘Hi,’ said Kacy
stepping back to allow him to come out. ‘I could sure use your help out here.
I’ve got some terrified little girls. They could use some guidance from God
right now.’
    The priest stared hard
at her. ‘Are you a vampire?’ he asked.
    Kacy felt herself
blush. He’d obviously rumbled her and with him being a priest and all, he might
have a crucifix on him, so she figured it was best not to lie in case he
decided to use it. ‘Yes, but I won’t hurt anyone. My boyfriend Dante has gone
with Vanity to find a cure to make us back into humans again.’
    Papshmir stepped out
and closed the toilet door behind him. He was dressed in his official black
church robe as if ready to give a sermon. He looked Kacy up and down. ‘Well, you look harmless enough,’ he said. ‘But I can’t believe for one minute that
Vanity would want to quit being a vampire.’
    ‘How do you know him?’
Kacy asked again, curious as to how a man of the cloth could be so clued in to
the local vampire scene.
    ‘How do I know Vanity?’
Papshmir almost laughed. ‘Fuck me, that cunt,’ he looked up to the heavens and
added a quick “Forgive me, Lord,” under his breath before continuing.
‘He’s been married in this church by me on no less than six occasions. He’s a
serial bride killer. As well as a total cunt. Forgive me, Lord .’
    Kacy was shocked at the
revelation Vanity had been married so many times (and also at the fact the
priest had used the word cunt). ‘I saw his wedding video this afternoon,’ she
said. ‘With his wife Emma. He really loved her.’
    Papshmir scoffed. ‘Did
you see the film of the wedding reception?’
    ‘No, just a minute or
so of the ceremony. I didn’t notice if you were the priest marrying them
though.’
    ‘Well I was,’ said
Papshmir. ‘And if I remember correctly, Emma was wife number five.’
    ‘He really loved her
though didn’t he? I could tell by the way he was looking at her in the video.’
    ‘Oh yeah. He loved her
all right. He loved her so much that him and his vampire buddies killed her and
her entire family and friends at the reception.’
    ‘What?’
    ‘That’s the reason he
gets married all the time. He comes in here at least once a year and threatens
to kill me and my entire flock if I don’t perform a marriage ceremony for him
and whoever he’s decided to slaughter at his next big wedding function.’
    Kacy swallowed hard.
Vanity had lied to her. If his wife Emma was dead, killed by him, then he would
have no desire to become human again and return to her. If he’d lied about that
then there was a very good chance he’d also lied about Gaius taking his eye to
the museum for cleaning. Dante was most likely heading into a trap.
    She grabbed Papshmir by
the arm. ‘Can you look after the girls out there for me? I’ve got to go after
my boyfriend. He could be in trouble.’
    ‘Sure thing,’ said
Papshmir. ‘I’ve been listening to them playing charades for the last half hour.
I’ll just carry that on. You go do what you have to do.’
    ‘Thanks.’
    Papshmir walked off to
the main hall where the children were peering out over the tops of the pews.
Kacy grabbed her phone and began frantically sending a text to Dante, warning
him that he could be in danger and urging him to get away from Vanity and call
her as soon as possible. She considered calling him, but decided a text would
be more discreet. As she was doing it she heard Papshmir addressing the
Sunflower Girls.
    ‘Right then girls,’ he
bellowed. ‘It’s Butch fucking Cassidy