The Book of Death (Bourbon Kid 4)

hissed.
    ‘Rick from the Ole Au Lait has
it.’
    ‘Bullshit.’
    ‘Honest.’
    Ulrika grabbed a clump of his
hair and pulled his head up off the floor, almost breaking his neck. ‘I don’t believe
you,’ she said sniffing his neck for a good spot to bite. ‘I can smell a lie
you know.’
    ‘Are you sure it’s not the shit
from the mop?’
    ‘You think you’re so funny,
don’t you?’ she hissed. ‘Let’s see how funny you taste, shall we?’
    Sanchez closed his eyes and
winced in readiness for whatever pain was about to follow. Ulrika let out
another sickening animalistic hiss right by his ear.
    A gentle thud followed.
    And then a longer hiss. A
really loud hiss . Sanchez suddenly felt like his back was on fire. The
burning feeling lasted little more than two or three seconds as the cowardly
bartender lay eyes closed on the floor waiting for the moment of truth.
    There was another gentle thud as
something landed on his back. Then he heard Flake’s voice speak out from behind
him. ‘Are you okay honey?’
    ‘Huh?’
    Sanchez opened his eyes and
peered back. Flake was stood over him. She lifted a thick brown hardback book
off his back and dusted it off.
    ‘What the hell?’ Sanchez asked
aloud, baffled at the lack of any sign of Ulrika Price. ‘Where’s the psycho
bookworm gone?’
    Flake tucked the brown book
under her left arm and held out her right hand to offer him a lift up from the
floor. Sanchez took a hold of her hand and hauled himself up. Flake was
smiling, looking very happy about something.
    ‘What’s going on?’ Sanchez asked
again.
    ‘I hit that bitch over the head
with this book,’ said Flake holding out the brown hardback book.
    ‘So where’d she go?’
    ‘She burst into flames and then
turned into ash. Look.’ She gestured at a patch of thick black ash, most of
which was settling on the floor, and some of which was no doubt on Sanchez’s
back.
    ‘What the fuck?’ Sanchez was
still confused.
    ‘This book kills vampires, I
guess,’ Flake said with a shrug.
    ‘But how did you know?’
    ‘I didn’t. My horoscope today
said that I should use a book for something other than reading.’
    ‘You do everything your
horoscope tells you?’
    ‘Oh yeah, I live my life by Big
Busty Sally’s horoscope.’
    ‘God bless Sally. Did she tell
you to come down to the locker room too?’
    Flake laughed. ‘No I just
followed Ulrika down here to try and help you. When I got here she was on top
of you. Then I saw this book sticking out of one of the lockers over there and
I thought about what my horoscope had said. So I hit her over the head with it.
As soon as it made contact with her she just spontaneously combusted.’
    Sanchez dusted himself off.
‘Wow. You did that because of a horoscope?’ he asked, failing to mask the
surprise in his voice.
    ‘Well partly,’ said Flake. ‘But you
and me are a team. We’ve got to watch each other’s backs. You led her down here
so that we’d have her cornered, right?’
    Sanchez coughed. ‘Well yes.
Obviously. I had to get her away from you, so that you’d be safe. I knew she’d
follow me down here.’
    ‘You’re so clever Sanchez. I’d
give you a kiss, but it looks like you have poo on your face.’
    ‘Never mind about that,’ he said
wiping his face. ‘Next time just don’t take so long to get down here.’
    ‘Sorry,’ said Flake. ‘I shudder
to think what might have happened if I hadn’t found this book. We might both be
dead by now.’
    She had a point. The discovery
of the book was a stroke of incredibly good fortune. ‘What’s the deal with that
book anyway?’ Sanchez asked aloud.
    ‘Maybe vampires are allergic to
books?’ Flake suggested.
    ‘She was a librarian.’
    ‘Oh.’
    ‘Yeah. That woman’s had her
filthy hands on every book in the city. So I figure that one you just dropped
on her must be a bit special. A book that kills vampires, eh? It could be worth
a fortune. We could auction it on eBay!’
    Flake clearly disagreed. The
look on her face said as much. ‘If it’s really a deadly weapon that kills
vampires I think I’d rather keep quiet about it. Ulrika was looking for a book
and she was willing to kill you for it. Let me do some research on the Internet
to see if I can find anything out about this book. The last thing we
need is more librarians coming down here!’
    She had a point. ‘This is a
worry,’ said Sanchez. ‘It’s dark outside. Vampires could be all over the city.
Maybe something