The Book of Joe

won’t be hurt when I tell you that we’re not exactly lining up to wipe your ass. I’ll get you a nurse.”
    “It’ll set you back some.”
    “I can always sell my car.”
    There’s a scraping sound and then a pair of hands appear on the ledge, followed by Jared’s head. “Hey,” he says with a grin. “What’s new and exciting?”
    From below there are cries from the crowd, and I realize that Jared’s legs are dangling over the side of the building.
    “Will you get up here!” I say, pulling him onto the ledge.
    “Who’s this?” Wayne says.
    “Jared Goffman,” my nephew says, extending his hand for Wayne to shake.
    “Brad’s kid.”
    “That is my privilege,” Jared says. “So, what are we doing up here, besides sitting on decades’ worth of bird shit?”
    “I thought I told you to wait by the stairs,” I say.
    “I’m a kid, I bore easily.” He sits down against the cupola next to Wayne and lights up his own cigarette. “You’re pretty sick, huh?” he says earnestly.
    “They don’t come any sicker,” Wayne says.
    “What are you, thirty?”
    “Thirty-four.”
    “Damn,” Jared says sincerely. “That’s a real big bite out of the shit sandwich.”
    Wayne appears genuinely tickled by the idiom. I flash him a mock apologetic look. “You know what they say,” I say with a sigh. “Youth is wasted on the young.”
    Wayne nods. “And life on the living.” He turns to Jared.
    “Tell me one of your favorite things.”
    “What do you mean?”
    Wayne looks out at the sky. “Tell me one of life’s little treasures, a simple, thoughtless pleasure that you enjoy and then forget about.” He fixes Jared with a grim look. “Keep in mind that if you say blow job I’ll throw you right off this ledge.”
    Jared sucks thoughtfully on his cigarette. “Sometimes I pour some orange juice into a plastic cup and freeze it, like ices, you know? And then when you’re sucking on it, you basically suck all the juice out of the ice, so that all that’s left is this fairly tasteless chunk of ice. But some of the juice settles on the bottom of the cup, and as you work your way down to the bottom of the ice, every so often you can tilt the cup and get a swallow of pure, ice-cold juice, and it’s just really sweet, you know?” He looks at us sheepishly. “Anyway, I know it sounds stupid, but you asked.”
    Wayne smiles and closes his eyes. A cool breeze blows against us, making him shiver noticeably. “That was perfect,” he says. “What about you, Joe?”
    I think about it for a minute and then say, “Phoebe Cates.”
    “Phoebe Cates,” Wayne repeats skeptically.
    “Who’s Phoebe Cates?” Jared asks.
    “She’s an actress,” I say. “Every guy my age was in love with her at one point.”
    “Because of the topless scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” Wayne says.
    “Oh,” Jared says, nodding. “I know who she is.”
    “It’s got nothing to do with Fast Times. There’s just something very pure about her. When I was a kid, she represented everything you’d ever want in a girl, and I would picture this whole incredible life I could have if I had someone like her.
    And now, whenever I see her on TV, I get this inexplicably happy, hopeful feeling, like all the dreams I ever had as a kid are still out there and can still be realized.”
    “Yeah,” Wayne says. “But Phoebe Cates? I just don’t see it.”
    “I don’t see it either,” Jared says, shaking his head.
    “Well, you’re gay, and you’re a generation too late, so in the interest of time, I’m going to change my answer and go with the blow job,” I say, and we all laugh. “So, are we going to get down now, or what?”
    A comical hush falls over the crowd as the three of us stand up and make our way precariously off the ledge of the cupola, Jared going first and then helping me to guide Wayne down. Once we’ve made it to the safety of the roof, the crowd breaks into rowdy applause, cheering us like we’re a rock band. Thank you, Bush Falls! Good night! God Bless!
    Mouse is waiting for us at the top of the stairwell with another deputy and two paramedics. The paramedics step on either side of Wayne and usher him carefully down the stairs.
    The deputy pulls out some handcuffs, and Mouse arrests Jared and me for disorderly conduct and obstruction of government administration, since we’d apparently interfered with a police rescue.

Thirty-Two
    Carly has accompanied the ambulance to make sure Wayne is okay, so