The Fifth Elephant

tugged the rope.
    Igor stepped out from behind a pillar.
    “Yeth, marthter?”
    “Tell this young man where he is, will you?”
    “He’th in Ankh-Morpork, marthter,” said Igor calmly.
    “See?” said Vimes. “And don’t glare at Igor like that. I missed it when he welcomed me here, but it’s true. This is an embassy , my son,” he went on, walking forward again, “and that means it’s officially on the soil of the home country. Welcome to Ankh-Morpork. There’s thousands of Uberwald people living in our city. You don’t want to go starting a war , do you?”
    “But…but…they said…my orders…you are a criminal!”
    “The word is accused , Captain. We don’t kill people in Ankh-Morpork just because they’re accused. Well, not on purpose. And not because someone tells us to.”
    Vimes took the crossbow out of his unresisting hands, and fired it into the ceiling.
    “Now send your men away,” he said.
    “I’m in Ankh-Morpork ?” said the captain.
    Even in his current state, Vimes thought he recognized the harmonics.
    “That’s right ,” he said, putting an arm around him. “A city which, incidentally, always has a job in the Watch for a young man of ability—”
    Tantony’s body stiffened. He pushed Vimes’s arm away.
    “You insult me, milord. This is my country!”
    “Ah.” Vimes was aware of Carrot and Angua watching from the landing.
    “But…I will not see it dishonored, either,” said the captain. “This isn’t right. I saw what happened last night. You swept up the king and your troll caught the chandelier! And then they said you’d tried to kill the king and you’d killed dwarfs when you escaped…”
    “Are you in charge of the Watch here?”
    “No. That’s the job of the burgermaster.”
    “And who gives him his orders?”
    “Everyone,” said Tantony bitterly. Vimes nodded. Been there, he thought. Been there, done that, bought the doublet…
    “Are you going to stop me taking my people out of here?”
    “How can you do that? The dwarfs surround us!”
    “We’re going to use…diplomatic channels. Just show me where everyone is, and we’ll be off. If it’s any help, I can hit you over the head and tie you up…”
    “That will not be required. The dwarf and the troll are in the cellar. Her Ladyship is…I assume she’s wherever the baron took her…”
    Vimes felt the little trickle of superheated ice down his spine.
    “Took her?” he said hoarsely.
    “Well…yes.” Tantony stepped back from Vimes’s expression. “She knew the baroness, sir! She said they were old friends! She said they could sort it all out! And then…” Tantony’s voice became a mumble, seared into silence by the look on Vimes’s face.
    When Vimes spoke, it was in a monotone as threatening as a spear.
    “You are standing there in your shiny breastplate and your silly helmet and your sword without a single notch in the blade and your stupid trousers and you are telling me that you let my wife be taken away by werewolves ?”
    Tantony took a step backward.
    “It was the baron—”
    “And you don’t argue with barons. Right. You don’t argue with anyone. Do you know what? I’m ashamed, ashamed to think that something like you is called a watchman. Now give me those keys.”
    The man had gone red.
    “You’ve obeyed many orders,” said Vimes. “Don’t…even…think…about…disobeying…that…one.”
    Carrot reached the bottom of the stairs and put a hand on his shoulder.
    “Steady, Mister Vimes.”
    Tantony looked from one to the other and made a life decision.
    “I hope you…find your lady, milord.” He produced a bunch of keys and handed them over. “I really do.”
    Vimes, still fighting for breath, wordlessly passed the keys to Carrot.
    “Let them out,” he said.
    “Are you going to the werewolves’ castle?” Tantony panted.
    “Yes.”
    “You won’t stand a chance, milord. They do as they please.”
    “Then they’ve got to be stopped.”
    “You can’t. The old one understood the rules, but Wolfgang…he doesn’t obey anything!”
    “All the more reason to stop him, then. Ah, Detritus.” The troll saluted. “You’ve got your bow, I see. Treated you well, did they?”
    “Dey called me a ficko troll,” said Detritus, darkly. “One of dem kicked me inna rocks.”
    “Was it this one?”
    “No.”
    “But he is their captain,” said Vimes, stepping away from Tantony. “Sergeant, I order you: Shoot him down.”
    In one movement the troll