The Folklore of Discworld

of them a vital but non-singing role in Rossini’s opera The Thieving Magpie . It is said they will even fly down into Hell if there is a bag of gold to be found there. They love gossiping, chattering, and causing trouble; they are evil birds who know far more than they ought, always peering about and prying into other people’s business. They have always enjoyed disasters. Even in the days of Noah’s flood, the magpie refused to enter the Ark, preferring to perch on the roof and jabber with glee at the sight of the drowning world.
    Magpies are so malicious that Spanish peasants say each one has seven bristles from the Devil’s beard among its feathers, and seven bladders of bitter gall in its body. They are the Devil’s spies and messengers. In Russia, too, they are considered the Devil’s forces; there are said to be forty of them perched on fir trees to guard a bog where he sits enthroned on a white rock.
    Throughout England and Scotland for the past two hundred years and more, there have been rhymes to warn you what to expect if you see magpies flying across your path. However, as Nanny Ogg would certainly point out, they are not very reliable, since they are not the ones the magpies know themselves. There are many versions, all agreeing that a single magpie brings bad luck, but two bring good. With three and four, there is more choice:
    One for sorrow,
    Two for joy,
    Three for a girl,
    And four for a boy.
    Or:
    One for sorrow,
    Two for mirth,
    Three for a wedding,
    Four for a birth.
    Or on the other hand, in the oldest known version (from Lincolnshire in 1780) it is:
    Three for a wedding,
    And four for a death.
    After which things become more complicated. You can have:
    Five for silver, six for gold,
    Seven for a secret never to be told.
    Or:
    Five for rich, six for poor,
    Seven for a witch, I can tell you no more.
    Or:
    Five for England, six for France,
    Seven for a fiddler, eight for a dance.
    Or:
    Five for heaven, six for hell,
    Seven, you’ll see the devil himsel’.
    To be on the safe side when a magpie crosses your path, and to turn aside the bad luck, you can draw a cross on the ground, or lay two straws or sticks crosswise; or bow to the bird,saying ‘Good day, Mr Magpie!’, or blow a kiss towards it; or recite this charm:
    I crossed the magpie, and the magpie crossed me;
    Devil take the magpie, and God save me!
C USTOMS OF L ANCRE
    For some years now, the Ankh-Morpork Folk Dance and Song Society has been compiling an archive of old folk customs and fertility rituals from the countryside around. One summer a lady folklorist arrived on Nanny Ogg’s doorstep, demanding information. ‘Well,’ said Nanny, ‘there’s only one fertility ritual that I knows of and that’s the one that comes nat’rally.’ But the lady said, ‘No, there’s got to be loads of folk stuff hanging on because I am writing a book, and I will give you this handsome silver dollar, my good woman.’
    So Nanny Ogg gave her what she reckoned was one dollar’s worth, but no more. This included the Scouring of the Long Man, as described above, and two or three others, which will be found in A Tourist Guide to Lancre :
    The Seven-Year Flitch . This is an old custom datin’ back to one Miscegenation Carter who left some money in his will to set it up to provide a flitch of bacon for the deservin’ poor. It is held every five years. It is open to any man who has been married for more than seven years to appear before the Flitch Court, which consists of six old married couples, an’ swear that in that time he has never had a cross word with his wife or regretted bein’ married. If he does, he is beaten near senseless with the flitch for lying, but brought round with strong drink and the rest of the day is a fair. So far no man has ever convinced the Court an’ the flitch is the original one, which is as hard as oak now.
    The Lancre Oozer. The Oozer, attended by people dressed up as his Squeasers, dances from house to house in every village on Old Hogswatch Eve until people gives them money to go somewhere else. It is said that any maiden kissed by the Oozer is sure to be pregnant before the year is out but this is an odds-on bet in these parts anyway.
    The Slice Mummers’ Play. This is performed on the first Saturday after Marling Day, when the characters of Old Hogfather, Death, Merry Hood and the White Knight perform an age-old ritual tellin’ of the death and resurrection of really bad acting. This is the high spot