The Forever of Ella and Micha

as she climbs off the bed and straightens out her shirt. “All I have to do is take my clothes off and you would smile.”
    I stare at her, picturing her sweaty and naked and underneath me.
    “Stop looking at me like that.” Her breathing is erratic. “You’re making it hard to breathe.”
    With my eyes still on her, I pick up my phone off the top of one of the many boxes stacked around my tiny bedroom. “You want to take a trip to New York?”
    She arches her eyebrows. “As friends?”
    I nod, dialing my father’s number. “If that’s what you want.”
    “It’s what I want for now,” she says. “And yes, I’ll go with you, because I love you.”

Ella
    It dawns on me the morning after Micha got wasted that he might have a problem. He’s doing what my dad did and using alcohol to deal with his issues. Even though it might be difficult to confront him about it, it seems like I should.
    I bring it up to my therapist during my last visit before my trip to New York, but she disagrees.
    “I don’t think that’s a very good idea at the moment, Ella,” she says loudly over the rain beating against the window. The sidewalks outside are flooded, the sky is a dark gray, and the wind is howling. “You’re still dealing with your own problems and bringing that kind of stuff up to people can bring out some ugly emotions.”
    “Micha’s not like that,” I disagree, raising the volume of my voices over the boom of thunder. “He would never intentionally hurt me.”
    “Confronting problems can be hard for anyone.” She puts her glasses on and reads through yesterday’s notes. “How have you been doing with stuff lately? Has it been good?”
    I tell the truth, even though my initial reaction is to sugarcoat it. “I’ve been fine except for after I got off the phone with Dean, but things are always crappy when I talk to him.”
    “What did he call you for?” she wonders.
    A huge lump swells in my chest as I say softly, “Because today is my mom’s birthday.”
    She doesn’t look at me with sympathy, which is why I like her. “Was he rude to you during this conversation?”
    I struggle to breath. “A little, but that’s because he still blames me for our mom’s death, I think.”
    Her pencil is poised above her paper, ready to take notes. “Do you ever talk to him about how you feel when he hurts you?”
    I shake my head. “No, and I don’t want to.”
    Her hand moves quickly across the paper as she writes something down. “What did you do after you got off the phone with Dean and you were upset?”
    “I wasn’t upset,” I correct her. “Just sad, so I went back to my room and curled up in a ball for a little while. I pulled myself out of it, though.”
    “That’s good.” She takes off her glasses and there are red lines where the frames pressed against her nose. “What time are you leaving for New York?”
    Tipping my head back, I glance at the clock on the wall above my head. “In, like, four or five hours.”
    “Are you going to be okay?” she inquires. “You’ll be alone on the trip with Micha.”
    “I’ll be fine,” I assure her. “I know you don’t want me to date him—and I’m not—but he’s still my friend and he needs me.”
    “I never told you not to date him, Ella.” The rain picks up, veiling the window with water, and she raises her voice. “I just told you that until you can build a steady life you should try to take things easy, and relationships generally are not easy.”
    I curl a strand of my hair around my finger. “How will I know when I’m ready to be with him again?”
    She offers me an encouraging smile. “Only you know that, but can I advise you to take baby steps with any relationship you get into, so your thoughts have time to slow down and you can see what’s real?”
    My thoughts are racing as I rise to my feet and swing my bag over my shoulder. “I guess I’ll see you when I get back.”
    She escorts me to the door. “Take care, Ella, and remember, if you need anything just call me.”
    I wave good-bye and step out into the rain, taking off toward the apartment. My boots splash through the puddles, and even running the entire way, my clothes and hair end up sopping.
    Ethan and Micha are sitting on the living room couch when I rush inside and slam the door, locking out the rain. Their eyes dart to me and amplify.
    Micha takes in my jeans and T-shirt clinging to my body and the beads of water running down my face. “Didn’t you