The Funhouse

reins on that thing inside of you, and now there's no holding it back. There's not a thing I can do. I wash my hands of you. I wash my hands.”
        “Mama, please. Please. Don't hate me.”
        “I don't hate you. I just feel numb, blank. I don't feel much of anything for you right now.”
        “Don't give up on me.”
        “There's only one road to Heaven,” Mama said. But if you want to go to Hell, you'll find a thousand roads that'll take you there. I can't block all of them.”
        “I don't want to go to Hell,” Amy said.
        “It's your own choice,” Mama said. “From here on it's your own doing. Do whatever you want. You'll never listen to me anyway, so I wash my hands.” As she spoke she pulled the car into the driveway of the house on Maple Lane. “I'm not coming in with you. I've got to do some grocery shopping. If your father's back from the office, tell him the reason you look so pale is because you ate a hamburger for lunch, while we were shopping at the mall, and it didn't agree with you. Go to your room and stay out of his way. The less he sees of you, the less likely he is to get suspicious.”
        All right, Mama.”
        When Amy went in the house she found that her father hadn't returned from the office yet. Joey was still playing at Tommy Culp's house. She was alone.
        She changed into pajamas and a bathrobe, then called Liz Duncan. “It's over.”
        “Really?” Liz asked.
        “I just got home.”
        “You're all scraped out?”
        “Do you have to put it so crudely?” Amy asked.
        “That's what they do,” Liz said blithely. “They scrape you out. How do you feel?”
        “Scraped out,” Amy admitted miserably.
        “Sick in the tummy?”
        “A little. And I ache… down there.”
        “You mean you've got a sore cunt?” Liz asked.
        “Do you have to talk that way?”
        “What way?”
        “Gross.”
        “That's one of my most charming qualities-my complete lack of inhibitions. Listen, other than your tummy and your cunt, how are you feeling?”
        “Very, very tired.”
        “That's all?”
        “Yes. It was easier than I thought it would be.”
        “Gee, I'm relieved. I was worried about you, kid. I was really, really worried.”
        “Thanks, Liz.”
        “Are you grounded for the summer?”
        “No. I thought there'd be a curfew for a while, but Mama says she doesn't care what I do. She's washed her hands of me.”
        “She said that?”
        “Yes.”
        “My God, that's terrific!”
        “Is it?” Amy wondered.
        “Of course it is, you silly ass. You make your own rules now. You're free , kid!” Liz put on a phony Southern Negro dialect: Yo' massah have done turned yo' loose, chile!”
        Amy didn't laugh. She said, “Right now, all I care about is getting some sleep. I was awake all last night and most of the night before. And with this business today… well, I'm dead on my feet.”
        “Sure,” Liz said. “I understand. I won't keep you on the phone for an hour. Get some rest. Call me tomorrow. We'll make plans for the summer. It's going to be a blast, kid. We'll make some memories and blow out all the candles for our last summer together. I've already got a couple of guys in mind for you.”
        “I don't think a guy is exactly what I need right now,” Amy said.
        “Oh, not in the next ten minutes,” Liz agreed. “But after you've had a couple of weeks to recover, you'll be ready to get back in the swing of things.”
        “I don't think so, Liz.”
        “Sure you will. You're not going to become a nun, for God's sake. You need to get some of that old salami once in a while, kid. You need it the same way I need it. We're two of a kind in that respect. Neither of us can do without a guy for long.”
        “We'll see,” Amy said.
        “Only this time,” Liz said, “you're going to do what I tell you. You're going to get a prescription for the pill.”
        I really don't think I'll need it,” Amy said.
        “That's what you thought the last time, dope.”
        A few minutes later, in her room, Amy knelt at the side of her bed and started to say her prayers. But after a minute or two she stopped because, for the first time in her life, she had the feeling that God wasn't listening. She wondered if He would ever listen to her again.
        In bed she cried herself to sleep, and no