The Garlic Ballads

job?”
    “Work makes me dizzy.”
    The officer fished out a pack of cigarettes, opened it, removed one, and stuck it between his lips.
    “If you wont give me money, Colonel, how about a smoke?”
    “Do you know what land of cigarettes these are?” The officer looked him in the eye as he whipped out a shiny cigarette lighter and—
click
—flipped it on. Instead of touching the flame to the tip of his cigarette right away, he just let it blaze.
    “Foreign, Colonel—they’re foreign cigarettes.”
    “Know where they came from?”
    “No.”
    “My father-in-law brought them back from Hong Kong, that’s where. And look at this lighter.”
    “You’re lucky to have a father-in-law like that, Colonel. I can see that life has smiled on you. Your father-in-law must be a big official, and his son-in-law will be one himself one of these days. Big officials are well-heeled and generous. So how about a smoke, Colonel?”
    The young officer thought it over for a moment, then said, “No, I’d rather give you money.”
    Jinju watched him fish out a shiny aluminum two-fen piece and hand it to the beggar, who wore a pained grin as he accepted the paltry gift with both hands and bowed deeply.
    Now the beggar was walking this way, sizing up people as he came. Passing on Jinju and Gao Ma, he went up to the woman in red and her permed young man, who had just sat up. Jinju saw skin show through the beggar’s worn trousers when he bowed.
    “Madam, sir, take pity on a man who’s down on his luck and give me some spare change.”
    “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?” the woman in red asked sanctimoniously. “A healthy young man like you should be out working. Don’t you have any self-respect?”
    “Madam, I don’t understand a word you’re saying. I’m only asking for a little change.”
    “Would you bark like a dog for it?” the permed fellow asked the beggar. “I’ll give you one yuan for every bark.”
    “Sure. What do you prefer, a big dog or a little one?”
    The permed young man turned to the woman in red and smiled. “That’s up to you.”
    The young beggar coughed and cleared his throat, then began to bark, sounding remarkably doglike: “Arf arf—arf arf arf—-arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf, arf, arf, arf arf, arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf! That was a little dog. Twenty-six barks. Ruff! Ruff ruff! Ruff ruff! Ruff ruff ruff! Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff! Ruff ruff ruff! Ruff ruff!! Ruff!!! That was a big dog, twenty-four barks. Big and little together comes to fifty barks, at one yuan apiece, for a total of fifty yuan, sir, madam,”
    The permed young man and the woman in red exchanged glances, both looking quite abashed. He took out his billfold and counted its contents, then turned to his companion and said, “Do you have any money, Yingzi?”
    “Just a few coins,” she replied.
    “Elder Brother,” the permed young man said, “we’ve had a long trip, and this is our last stop. All we’ve got left is forty-three yuan. If you’ll give us an address, we’ll send the seven we owe you as soon as we get home.”
    The young beggar took the money, wetted his finger, and carefully counted the bills—twice. Removing a red one-yuan note with a missing corner, he said, “I can’t take this one, sir. You can have it back, and I’ll take the forty-two. Now you owe me eight.”
    “Write down your address for us,” the young man said.
    “I don’t know how to write,” the beggar said. “Just send it to the President of the United States and ask him to forward it to me. He’s my uncle!”
    With that the beggar bowed deeply to the handsome couple and laughed until he was rocking back and forth. Then he turned and presented himself before Jinju and Gao Ma. With a bow he said, “Elder Brother, Elder Sister, how about one of those delicious -looking pears? My throat’s dry from all that barking.”
    Jinju picked out a big one and thrust it into the beggar’s hand. He acknowledged the handout with a deep bow before gobbling the pear up, one big bite after another, all the while humming a nasal tune. Then, as if there weren’t another soul in sight, he turned and walked off, his head held high.
    Another announcement emerged from the PA system, sending more passengers to the gates to have their tickets punched. The woman in red and the young curlyhead rose and dashed off to the gate, dragging a suitcase on rollers behind them.
    “What about us?” Jinju asked Gao