The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun

a recommendation for a place to go, and one day we walked into the New Settlement Apartments College Center. We each breathed a sigh of relief when we saw the college posters, the bookshelves crammed with catalogues and test prep guides, and the sign asking “Need help writing your personal essay?” We’d found the right place. She got her applications in on time.
    To do a better job of “Being generous,” I had to reflect on the nature of generosity. Giving presents is one way to be generous, but taking a boxof chocolates to a dinner party wasn’t the answer for me. I don’t begrudge spending money on friends, but I dislike shopping. I didn’t want to create more errands for myself. So, okay. I don’t like to shop or do errands, but what could I do, within the confines of my own nature, to be generous? I needed to cultivate generosity of spirit.
    So I looked for other strategies. I hit on a few: “Help people think big,” “Bring people together,” “Contribute in my way,” and “Cut people slack.”
    Help People Think Big.
    One of the most generous acts, I’ve realized, is to help someone think big. Words of enthusiasm and confidence from a friend can inspire you to tackle an ambitious goal: “You should do that!” “You should start your own business!” “You should run for office!” “You should apply for that grant!”
    I’d had a wonderful experience helping people think big myself. After Eliza started kindergarten, her nursery school arranged a reunion for all the children who had “graduated.” While the children played with their former classmates, the nursery school directors, Nancy and Ellen, led a parent discussion about the kindergarten transition. As always, their insights were extremely helpful. When I stood up to leave, I thought, “These two should write a book.” I was immediately convinced that this was the greatest idea ever. I suggested it to them on the spot.
    “You know, we’ve thought about that,” Ellen said, “but never very seriously.”
    That night I was so excited by the idea of their book project that I couldn’t fall asleep. I didn’t know these two women well, so I wasn’t sure whether to press the issue. On the other hand, I felt positive that they could write a terrific book. I suspected that nothing more would happen unless I nudged them along, so I asked if they wanted to meet for coffee to discuss it. We met, and as we talked, they became increasingly enthusiastic. I put them in touch with my agent. They put some ideas downon paper. In a flash, they had a book contract, they wrote the book, and now Nancy Schulman and Ellen Birnbaum’s Practical Wisdom for Parents: Demystifying the Preschool Years is on the shelves. Knowing that I played a small role in their achievement made me intensely happy.
    As I was trying to stay alert for ways to “Help people think big,” I had an enormous happiness breakthrough: my Second Splendid Truth. I’m not sure why it took me so long to see this plainly, because I’d understood the principles involved for a long time, but there was a circularity to these ideas that confused me. At last, one June morning, it came clear:
    One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy.
    One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself .
    This was a major, major insight. Obvious, but major. The Second Splendid Truth clarified many things that had been mixed up in my mind.
    For example, what is the relationship between altruism and happiness? Some people argue that because doing good deeds brings happiness, no act can be truly altruistic, because when we act for the benefit of others, we please ourselves.
    The Second Splendid Truth (Part A) provides the answer: yes, of course, so what? All the better! That feeling of happiness doesn’t minimize the “goodness” of the act. The fact is, the sight of someone performing a generous or kind act always makes me feel happy. Especially if it’s me! The spectacle of virtue inspires the feeling of elevation—one of the most delicate pleasures that the world offers. As Simone Weil observed, “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” That’s true no matter who is performing that real good.
    Also, the Second Splendid Truth underscores the fact that striving to be happy isn’t a selfish act. After all, one of