The Heist

the Doritos, honey. You’ll want to save room for my world famous cheeseburgers.”
    His burgers were simply ground beef patties sprinkled with Lawry’s Seasoned Salt and topped with a slice of Kraft processedAmerican cheese. It wasn’t like it was a recipe that his great-grandmother had smuggled over from the old country on a scrap of paper stuffed in her cleavage or a unique blend of spices that he’d refined over years of backyard barbecuing. But everybody in the family, Kate included, dutifully ooohed and aaahed over the burgers anyway.
    “Fine, you can keep your Facebook page,” Kate said. “But you have to remove all the pictures of me.”
    “I can’t,” Megan said. “They’re family photos that you happen to be in. Everybody loves them. You are one part of a lot of great memories that we enjoy sharing. It’s how we stay connected as a family. Well, all of us but you.”
    “Then photoshop my part out,” Kate said. “Or at least erase my braces and zits.”
    “Oh, grow up, that was almost twenty years ago,” Megan said. “Besides, you’ve never cared much what people think of how you look. So something else must be in play here.”
    “Thank you, Dr. Phil.”
    Megan studied her. “When was the last time you had a chitty-chitty-bang-bang?”
    “Drove a flying car?”
    Megan glanced over at her kids to make sure they weren’t listening. “You know what I mean. How long has it been since you danced the horizontal mambo?”
    Kate did know what Megan meant, but she was stalling for time. “What does that have to do with anything?”
    “Because you’re afraid of somebody seeing how geeky and awkward you were when you were a kid and finding you less attractive now as a result.”
    Megan was three years younger than Kate and had never beengeeky or awkward, so she didn’t care about how she looked in old pictures. After birthing two kids she was carrying a few extra pounds but she wore the weight well, probably because she didn’t give a damn about it, and half of beauty is attitude anyway. Or so they say in
Us Weekly
.
    “Don’t be ridiculous,” Kate said.
    “You want to know how often I have sex?”
    “No!” Kate said.
    “Three times a week,” Megan said. “Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. How about you?”
    “None of your business.”
    “So it’s been at least six months,” Megan said. “You need a love life. Heck, you need a life.”
    “I have one,” Kate said.
    “What you had was chasing Nick Fox. That’s a case, not a life. Now it’s time to reassess your goals and look ahead. Where do you want to be in five years? Who do you want to be? How many orgasms do you want to be having?”
    “You plan your orgasms five years in advance?”
    “You know how I got all of this?” Megan gestured to the house, the kids, and Jack Russell taking a crap on the lawn.
    “Unprotected sex,” Kate said.
    Megan was twenty-four years old and six months pregnant when she married Roger, an accountant she’d met on a blind date.
    Megan ignored the comment. “I imagined it. I saw myself as a wife and mother. And here it is, a dream come true. What’s yours?”
    Kate gave her a look and said, “Daniel Craig, a tropical island, a quart of Oreo cookie ice cream, and a pair of handcuffs.”
    “Who’s wearing the cuffs?” Megan asked.
    Kate ate another chip and let the question go unanswered.
    Megan wagged a finger at her. “Your big problem is that you spend all of your time on the job, where the only men you meet are cops and crooks.”
    That comment worried Kate. She’d heard it before. It was Megan’s excuse for creating an account under Kate’s name at eHarmony and setting her up for dates.
    “I’m serious about arresting you for identity theft if you sign me up for another online dating service,” Kate said.
    “I’ve been going to the gym twice a week, and as it happens I’ve met a terrific guy there. He’s a pilot for one of the big airlines, flying international routes.”
    “You can stop right there.”
    “He’s perfect for you. A man in uniform, only without a gun or a mailbag.”
    “I don’t need you setting me up on blind dates.”
    “It’s not blind, I’ve had a very good look at him. He’s in his early thirties, has a fantastic body and a killer smile. He’s so sexy and charming, I’m half tempted to leave Roger for him.”
    “Fine, you take him,” Kate said.
    They heard the clang of the wrought-iron gate closing on the side yard, and a moment