The Key to Midnight

eyes narrowed slightly and seemed to shine with professional curiosity. 'Obsession? That's an odd way of putting it.'
        Again the conversation had ceased to be casual. He was leading her, probing gently but insistently, motivated by more than friendly interest. What did this man want from her? Sometimes he made her feel as though she was concealing a dreadful crime. She wished that she could change the subject before another word was said, but she couldn't see any polite way to do so.
        'I read a lot of books on Japanese history,' she said, 'and I attend lectures in history. Spend most of my holidays poking around ancient shrines, museums. It's almost as if I…'
        'As if you what?' Alex prompted.
        She looked at the mural again. 'It's as if I'm obsessed with Japanese history because I've no real roots of my own. Born in the U.S., raised in England, parents dead for nearly twelve years now, Yokohama to Tokyo to Kyoto, no living relatives…'
        'Is that true?'
        'Is what true?'
        "That you have no relatives.'
        'None living.'
        'Not any grandparents or-'
        'Like I said.'
        'Not even an aunt or uncle?'
        'Not a one.'
        'Not even a cousin-'
        'No.'
        'How odd.'
        'It happens.'
        'Not often.'
        She turned to face him, and she couldn't be sure whether his handsome face was lined with sympathy or calculation, concern for her or suspicion. 'I came to Japan because there was nowhere else for me to go, no one I could turn to.'
        He frowned. 'Almost anyone your age can claim at least one relative kicking around somewhere… maybe not someone you know well or really care about, but a bona fide relative nonetheless.'
        Joanna shrugged, wishing he'd drop the subject. 'Well, if I do have any folks out there, I don't know about them.'
        His response was quick. 'I could help you search for them. After all, investigations are my trade.'
        'I couldn't afford your rates.'
        'Oh, I'm very reasonable.'
        'Yeah? You do buy Rolls-Royces with your fees.'
        'Just for you, I'd do it for the cost of a bicycle.'
        'A very large and ornate bicycle, I'll bet.'
        'I'll do it for a smile, Joanna.'
        She smiled. 'That's generous of you, but I couldn't accept.'
        'I'd charge it to overhead. The cost would be a tax writeoff.'
        Although she couldn't imagine his reasons, he was eager to dig into her past. This time, she wasn't suffering from her usual, irrational paranoia: He really was too curious.
        Nevertheless, she wanted to talk to him and be with him. There was good chemistry between them. He was a medicine for loneliness.
        'No,' she said. 'Forget it, Alex. Even if I've got folks out there someplace, they're strangers. I mean nothing to them. That's why it's important to me to get a solid grip on the history of Kyoto and Japan. This is my hometown now. It's my past and present and future. They've accepted me here.'
        'Which is rather odd, isn't it? The Japanese are pretty insular. They rarely accept immigrants who aren't at least half Japanese.'
        Ignoring his question, she said, 'I don't have roots like other people do. Mine have been dug up and burned. So maybe I can create new roots for myself, grow them right here, and maybe they'll be as strong and meaningful as the roots that were destroyed. In fact, it's something I have to do. I don't have any choice. I need to belong, not just as a successful immigrant but as an integral part of this lovely country. Belonging… being securely and deeply connected to it all, like a fiber in the cloth… that's what counts. I need to lose myself in Japan. A lot of days there's a terrible emptiness in me. Not all the time. Now and then. But when it comes, it's almost too much to bear. And I think… I know that if I melt completely into this society, then I won't have to suffer that emptiness any longer. 7
        She amazed herself, because with Alex Hunter she was allowing an unusual intimacy. She was telling him things that she had never told anyone before.
        He spoke so quietly that she could barely hear. ' "Emptiness." That's another odd word choice.'
        'I guess it is.'
        'What do you mean by it?'
        Joanna groped for Words that could convey the hollow-ness, the cold feeling of being different from all other people, the cancerous alienation that