The Last Coyote

Now it’s his move. He’s either going to come at me with IAD-if he can make a case against me impersonating Pounds-or he’s going to let it go. I’m betting he’s going to let it go.”
    “Why?”
    “The one thing about the LAPD is that it is not into self-flagellation. Know what I mean? This case is very public and if they do something to me, they know there’s always the danger it will get out and it will be one more black eye for the department. Irving sees himself as the protector of the department’s image. He’ll put that ahead of taking me down. Besides, he’ll have leverage on me now. I mean, he thinks he will.”
    “You seem to know Irving and the department well.”
    “Why?”
    “Chief Irving called me this morning and asked me to forward a positive RTD evaluation to his office as soon as possible.”
    “He said that? He wants a positive return-to-duty report?”
    “Yes, those were his words. Do you think you are ready for that?”
    He thought a few moments but didn’t answer the question.
    “Has he done that before? Told you how to evaluate somebody?”
    “No. It’s a first time and I’m very concerned about it. It undermines my position here if I simply accede to his wishes. It’s quite a dilemma because I don’t want you caught in the middle.”
    “What if he didn’t tell you which way to go, what would your evaluation be? Positive or negative?”
    She played with a pencil on the desktop for a few moments while considering the question.
    “It’s very close, Harry, but I think you need more time.”
    “Then don’t do it. Don’t give in to him.”
    “That’s quite a change. Only a week ago all you could talk about was getting back to the job.”
    “That was a week ago.”
    There was a palpable sadness in his voice.
    “Stop beating yourself to death with it,” she said. “The past is like a club and you can only hit yourself in the head with it so many times before there is serious and permanent damage. I think you’re at your limit. For what it’s worth, I think you are a good and clean and ultimately kind man. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t ruin what you have, what you are, with this kind of thinking.”
    He nodded as if he understood but he had dismissed her words as soon as he heard them.
    “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of days.”
    “About what?”
    “Everything.”
    “Any decisions on anything?”
    “Almost. I think I’m going to pull the pin, leave the department.”
    She leaned forward and folded her arms on the desk. A serious look creased her brow.
    “Harry, what are you talking about? This is not like you. Your job and your life are the same. I think it’s good to have some distance but not total separation. I-” She stopped when she seemed to come upon an idea. “Is this your idea of penance, of making up for what happened?”
    “I don’t know…I just…For what I did, something has to be paid. That’s all. Irving ’s not going to do anything. I will.”
    “Harry, you made a mistake. A serious mistake, yes. But for that you are giving up your career, the one thing that even you readily admit you do well? You’re going to throw it all away?”
    He nodded.
    “Did you pull the papers yet?”
    “Not yet.”
    “Don’t do it.”
    “Why not? I can’t do this anymore. It’s like I’m walking around handcuffed to a chain of ghosts.”
    He shook his head. They were having the same debate that he had been having in his mind for the last two days, since the night at Meredith Roman’s house.
    “Give it some time,” Hinojos said. “All I’m saying is, think about it. You’re on paid leave now. Use it. Use the time. I’ll tell Irving he’s not getting an RTD from me yet. Meantime, you just give it some time and think hard on it. Go away somewhere, sit on the beach. But think about it before you turn in your papers.”
    Bosch raised his hands in surrender.
    “Please, Harry. I want to hear you say it.”
    “All right. I’ll do some more thinking.”
    “Thank you.”
    She let some silence underline his agreement.
    “Remember what you said about seeing the coyote on the street last week?” she asked quietly. “About it being the last coyote?”
    “I remember.”
    “I think I know how you felt. I’d hate to think that I was seeing the coyote for the last time, too.”

Chapter Fifty-one
    FROM THE AIRPORT Bosch took the freeway to the Armenia exit and then south to Swann. He found that he didn’t even need