The Last Coyote

and reached for the cup of water. He looked at her as he drank from it, then put the cup back on the desk.
    “Just say anything?”
    “Anything. Whatever is happening in your life or mind that you want to talk about.”
    He thought for a long moment.
    “I saw a coyote last night. Near my house. I…I was drunk, I guess, but I know I saw him.”
    “Why was that significant to you?”
    He tried to compose the proper answer.
    “I’m not sure…I guess there’s not too many left in the hills in the city-least near where I live. So whenever I see one, I get this feeling that it might be the last one left out there. You know? The last coyote. And I guess that would bother me if it ever turned out to be true, if I never saw one again.”
    She nodded as if he had scored some point in a game he wasn’t sure how to play.
    “There used to be one that lived in the canyon below my house. I’d see him down there and-”
    “How do you know it was a he? And I think you called the one you saw last night a he. How are you sure?”
    “I’m not sure. I guess I don’t even know. It’s just a guess.”
    “Okay. Go on.”
    “Um, he-it-lived down there below my house and I used to see him from time to time. After the earthquake it was gone. I don’t know what happened to it. Then I saw this one last night. Something about the mist and the light out there…it looked like its coat was blue. He looked hungry. There is something…they’re kind of sad and threatening at the same time. You know?”
    “Yes, I do.”
    “Anyway, I thought about him when I got in bed after I got home. That was when I burned my hand. I fell asleep with the cigarette. But before I woke up I had this dream. I mean, I think it was a dream. Maybe like a daydream, like I was still kind of awake. And in it, whatever it was, the coyote was there again. But it was with me. And we were in the canyon or on a hill or something and I wasn’t really sure.”
    He held up his hand.
    “And then I felt the fire.”
    She nodded but didn’t say anything.
    “So what do you think?” he asked.
    “Well, interpretation of dreams is not something I do often. Frankly, I’m not sure of its value. The real value I think I see in what you just told me was the willingness to tell me. It shows me a one-eighty-degree turn in your approach to these sessions. For what it’s worth, I think it’s clear you identify with the coyote. Perhaps, there are not many policemen like you left and you feel the same threat to your existence or your mission. I don’t really know. But look at your own words. You called them sad and threatening at the same time. Could that be you also?”
    He drank from his cup before answering.
    “I’ve been sad before. But I’ve found comfort in it.”
    They sat in silence for a while, digesting what had been said. She looked at her watch.
    “We still have some time. Is there anything else you want to talk about? Maybe something related to this story?”
    He contemplated the question for a while and took out a cigarette.
    “How much time do we have?”
    “As long as you want. Don’t worry about the time. I want to do this.”
    “You’ve talked about my mission. You told me to think about my mission. And you said the word again just a minute ago.”
    “Yes.”
    He hesitated.
    “What I say here is protected, right?”
    She furrowed her brow.
    “I’m not talking about anything illegal. What I mean is, whatever I tell you in here, you’re not going to tell people, right? It won’t get back to Irving.”
    “No. What you tell me stays right here. That’s an absolute. I told you, I make a single, narrowly focused recommendation for or against return to duty that I give to Assistant Chief Irving. That’s it.”
    He nodded, hesitated again and then made his decision. He would tell her.
    “Well, you were talking about my mission and your mission and so on and, well, I think I’ve had a mission for a long time. Only I didn’t know it, or I mean…I didn’t accept it. I didn’t acknowledge it. I don’t know how to explain it right. Maybe I was afraid or something. I put it off. For a lot of years. Anyway, what I’m telling you is that I’ve accepted it now.”
    “I’m not sure I’m following you. Harry, you have to come out and tell me what you’re talking about.”
    He looked down at the gray rug in front of him. He spoke to it because he didn’t know how to say it to her face.
    “I’m an orphan…I never knew my father and my