The Last Dark: The climax of the entire Thomas Covenant Chronicles (Last Chronicles of Thomas Cove)

twisted until his wrists ached. “I wasn’t strong enough to handle
turiya
myself. That’s why Branl had to kill Clyme. They both had to compensate for me.
    “And because—”
    Suddenly awkward, he faltered. How could he say what was in his heart? To Linden? Like this? Beyond question, he was not strong enough. If he had ever been brave enough, he no longer remembered how that much courage felt.
    The glittering among the leaves of the ur-Mahrtiir’s tree had become a silver penumbra, purer that the brightness of Loric’s
krill
, and more melodious. The tree was a willow, graceful and arching. Soon it would be tall enough to spread its branches in a wide circle that included the fane. Its limbs drooped like weeping, though they grew like gladness. And under its shade, the thin grass was now turf, as lush as the greenswards of Andelain. Bushes grew like adornments under the dangling leaves around the verge of the grass. A delicate rill rippled argent past the Forestal’s feet and chuckled away beyond the rubble, wending harmoniously toward the distant Sarangrave.
    “Because?” Linden prompted like a woman hiding behind a shield.
    He was losing her. He did not know how to bear it.
    “Because I hate the way I treated you! I hate the way I
left
you. I had to go. I had to go alone. I couldn’t risk you against Joan. And you had other things to do.”
    Finally he managed to lower his voice. If he meant to tell the truth, he had to set aside the luxury of shouting; of judging himself.
    “Linden, do you understand that
Kastenessen
is in that temple? Have you realized yet that Kevin’s Dirt is gone? If I hadn’t left you behind, none of that would have happened.”
    She did not react. She had no attention to spare for victories.
    Groaning inwardly, Covenant confessed, “But I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did. I was just afraid. I was broken,” maimed by fissured memories, “and I didn’t know how to live with it. I couldn’t ask you to trust me,” love me, “because I didn’t trust myself, or what I was becoming, or what I had to do. I wasn’t sure I would have anything left when I was done. I couldn’t say what I really meant.”
    Loric’s gem lit a subtle shift in Linden’s gaze, a modulation in the darkness. Small black flames coiled like tendrils around her hand on the Staff. Covenant thought that he saw tremors in her shoulders.
    “You told me not to touch you,” she said as if the words were splinters of glass, sharp enough to pierce and rend. “Isn’t that what you meant?”
    “
No
.” He gritted his teeth so that he would not cry out. “It’s what I needed. It’s what I knew how to say. I’m a leper, for God’s sake. It’s how I cope with practically everything. But it is not the truth.”
    Not the whole truth.
    She appeared to be floundering: a drowning woman who nonetheless struggled against her desire to clutch at rescue. So softly that he barely heard her over the labor of his heart, she asked, “Then what is the truth? What would you have said if you weren’t broken or scared?”
    Obviously bewildered, Jeremiah watched his mother and his earliest friend. The
Haruchai
betrayed no reaction; but the Giants gave the impression that they were holding their breath.
    Damn you, Covenant snarled at himself. Say it.
Do
it. She can’t read your mind.
    What did he gain by being a leper if numbness did not dull the edges of his fears?
    His hands shook as he reached up to his neck. Fumbling, he grasped the chain that held Joan’s ring under his T-shirt, pulled the chain over his head. For a panicked moment, his eyes failed him: he could not find the clasp. Then his fingers were too awkward to unclose it.
    But he remembered who he was, and why he was here, and what was at stake; and a strange certainty came over him. The clasp seemed to open by itself, as if he had been given a blessing.
Attempts must be made
—How else could he believe in anything?
    He dropped the chain. Holding the ring between the remnants of his thumb and forefinger, he extended it toward Linden.
    “Linden Avery.” His voice was hoarse, congested with emotions straining for release. “I think I’ve earned the right to give this to anybody I want. But there’s nobody else. I love
you
. That’s all. I
love
you. Will you marry me?”
    She flinched as if he had slapped her. For an instant, she recoiled, startled and uncomprehending.
    But while she froze, caught in a maelstrom of surprise and