The Light Fantastic

was shaking with rage.
    “I think there’s some biscuits too,” said Twoflower in a small voice.
    “But there wash gold! And I shaw it eat shomebody!” Cohen looked imploringly at Rincewind.
    The wizard sighed. “Don’t ask me,” he said. “I don’t own the bloody thing.”
    “I bought it in a shop,” said Twoflower defensively. “I said I wanted a traveling trunk.”
    “That’s what you got, all right,” said Rincewind.
    “It’s very loyal,” said Twoflower.
    “Oh yes,” agreed Rincewind. “If loyalty is what you look for in a suitcase.”
    “Hold on,” said Cohen, who had sagged onto a rock. “Wash it one of thoshe shopsh—I mean, I bet you hadn’t noticed it before and when you went back again it washn’t there?”
    Twoflower brightened. “That’s right!”
    “Shopkeeper a little wizened old guy? Shop full of strange shtuff?”
    “Exactly! Never could find it again, I thought I must have got the wrong street, nothing but a brick wall where I thought it was, I remember thinking at the time it was rather—”
    Cohen shrugged. “One of those shops, * he said. “That explainsh it, then.” He felt his back, and grimaced. “Bloody horshe ran off with my liniment!”
    Rincewind remembered something, and fumbled in the depths of his torn and now very grubby robe. He held up a green bottle.
    “That’sh the shtuff!” said Cohen. “You’re a marvel.” He looked sideways at Twoflower.
    “I would have beaten it,” he said quietly, “even if you hadn’t called it off, I would have beaten it in the end.”
    “That’s right,” said Bethan.
    “You two can make yourshelf usheful,” he added. “That Luggage broke through a troll tooth to get ush out. That wash diamond. Shee if you can find the bitsh. I’ve had an idea about them.”
    As Bethan rolled up her sleeves and uncorked the bottle Rincewind took Twoflower to one side. When they were safely hidden behind a shrub he said, “He’s gone barmy.”
    “That’s Cohen the Barbarian you’re talking about!” said Twoflower, genuinely shocked. “He is the greatest warrior that—”
    “Was,” said Rincewind urgently. “All that stuff with the warrior priests and man-eating zombies was years ago. All he’s got now is memories and so many scars you could play noughts-and-crosses on him.”
    “He is rather more elderly than I imagined, yes,” said Twoflower. He picked up a fragment of diamond.
    “So we ought to leave them and find our horses and move on,” said Rincewind.
    “That’s a bit of a mean trick, isn’t it?”
    “They’ll be all right,” said Rincewind heartily. “The point is, would you feel happy in the company of someone who would attack the Luggage with his bare hands?”
    “That is a point,” said Twoflower.
    “They’ll probably be better off without us anyway.”
    “Are you sure?”
    “Positive,” said Rincewind.

    They found the horses wandering aimlessly in the scrub, breakfasted on badly dried horse jerky, and set off in what Rincewind believed was the right direction. A few minutes later the Luggage emerged from the bushes and followed them.
    The sun rose higher in the sky, but still failed to blot out the light of the star.
    “It’s got bigger overnight,” said Twoflower. “Why isn’t anybody doing something?”
    “Such as what?”
    Twoflower thought. “Couldn’t somebody tell Great A’Tuin to avoid it?” he said. “Sort of go around it?”
    “That sort of thing has been tried before,” said Rincewind. “Wizards tried to tune in to Great A’Tuin’s mind.”
    “It didn’t work?”
    “Oh, it worked all right,” said Rincewind. “Only…”
    Only there had been certain unforeseen risks in reading a mind as great as the World Turtle’s, he explained. The wizards had trained up on tortoises and giant sea turtles first, to get the hang of the chelonian frame of mind, but although they knew that Great A’Tuin’s mind would be big they hadn’t realized that it would be slow .
    “There’s a bunch of wizards that have been reading it in shifts for thirty years,” said Rincewind. “All they’ve found out is that Great A’Tuin is looking forward to something.”
    “What?”
    “Who knows?”
    They rode in silence for a while through a rough country where huge limestone blocks lined the track. Eventually Twoflower said, “We ought to go back, you know.”
    “Look, we’ll reach the Smarl tomorrow,” said Rincewind. “Nothing will happen to them out here, I don’t