The Lost Boy

better get your story straight! You’re going to have to make a major decision pretty soon, and you better be ready for it!”
    Ms Gold sat back down, wedging me between her knees and the end of the couch. “David, you have to understand that in a person’s life there are a few precious moments in which decisions, choices that you make now, will affect you for the rest of your life. I can help you, but only if you let me. Do you understand?”
    I again turned away. Suddenly Ms Gold sprang up from the couch. Her face became bright red and her hands were shaking. I tried to hold back my feelings, but a surge of anger erupted. “No!” I cried out. “Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand? She’ll get me back. She’ll win. She always wins. No one can stop The Mother. Not you, not anyone! She’ll get me back!”
    Her face went blank. “Oh my God!” Ms Gold exclaimed as she bent down to hold me. “Is that what she said to you? David, honey …” Her arms stretched out to embrace me.
    “No!” I yelled. “Won’t you just leave me alone? Just … go … away!”
    Ms Gold stood over me for a few moments, then turned on her heels and stormed out of the room. A few seconds later I could hear the sound of the screen door slamming in the kitchen. Without thinking, I ran into the kitchen, but I stood frozen behind the door. Through the screen I could see Ms Gold stumbling up the steep walkway. She lost her grip on her papers and tried to catch some of them in midair. “Shit!” she cried out. The papers scattered as she desperately tried to gather them into one pile. As soon as she stood up, she fell down, scraping her right knee. I could see the frustration on her face as she clamped her hand over her mouth. Ms Gold tried again to stand up, but this time with more caution as she made her way to the county car. She slammed the car door shut and bent her head against the steering wheel. As I stood behind the screen door, I could hear Ms Gold – my angel – sobbing uncontrollably. After several minutes she finally started her car and sped off.
    I stayed behind the kitchen screen and cried inside. I knew I could never forgive myself, but lying to Ms Gold was the lesser of two evils. I stood alone, confused, behind the screen door. I felt that by lying, I had protected Mother, that I had done the right thing. I knew Mother was going to get me back and no one could stop her. But then when I thought of how kind Ms Gold had been throughout everything, I suddenly realized the terrible position I had just put her in. I never meant to hurt anybody, especially Ms Gold. I became a statue as I stood behind the screen door. I only wished that I could crawl under a rock and hide, forever.

3 – The Trial
    Two days later Ms Gold drove me to the county courthouse. The ride began in total silence. I sat on the far side by the door, staring at the scenery. We drove north on Highway 280 beside the aqueduct, the same water reserve the family used to drive by on our way to Memorial Park years ago. Ms Gold finally broke the ice, explaining in a soft voice that today the judge would decide whether I was to become “a permanent ward of the court” or be returned to my mother’s custody. I didn’t understand the “ward of court” part, but I knew what returning to my mother’s custody meant. I shivered at this last part of Ms Gold’s sentence. I looked up at her, wondering whether I would be riding back with Ms Gold after court or in the back of Mother’s station wagon. I asked Ms Gold whether there was a possibility of Mother taking me back with her today. Ms Gold reached out, patted my hand and nodded yes. My head slumped forward. I didn’t have the energy to resist anymore. I hadn’t been able to sleep since our last meeting. The closer Ms Gold drove to the courthouse, the more I could feel myself slipping from her safety and back into Mother’s clutches.
    My hands formed into a tight fist. The countdown now began.
    I felt a soft caress on my left hand. My arms flew up to protect my face. It took a moment for me to realize that I was only daydreaming. I took a deep breath and nodded to myself, trying to calm myself down. “David, ” Ms Gold began, “listen to me very carefully. This is Pam talking, not Ms Gold, your social worker. Do you understand?”
    I let out a deep sigh. I knew we were only a few miles away from the courthouse. “Yes, ma’am, I understand.”
    “David, what your mother did to you was wrong.