The Man With Two Left Feet

conversation, which was all about somebody called Toto, whom I had not met. Peter's mother said Toto was a sweet little darling, he was; and one of the visitors said Toto had not been at all himself that day and she was quite worried. And a good lot more about how all that Toto would ever take for dinner was a little white meat of chicken, chopped up fine. It was not very interesting, and I had allowed my attention to wander.
    And just then, peeping round the corner of my chair to see if there were any signs of cake, what should I see but a great beastly brute of a rat. It was standing right beside the visitor, drinking milk out of a saucer, if you please!
    I may have my faults, but procrastination in the presence of rats is not one of them. I didn't hesitate for a second. Here was my chance. If there is one thing women hate, it is a rat. Mother always used to say, 'If you want to succeed in life, please the women. They are the real bosses. The men don't count.' By eliminating this rodent I should earn the gratitude and esteem of Peter's mother, and, if I did that, it did not matter what Peter's father thought of me.
    I sprang.
    The rat hadn't a chance to get away. I was right on to him. I got hold of his neck, gave him a couple of shakes, and chucked him across the room. Then I ran across to finish him off.
    Just as I reached him, he sat up and barked at me. I was never so taken aback in my life. I pulled up short and stared at him.
    'I'm sure I beg your pardon, sir,' I said apologetically. 'I thought you were a rat.'
    And then everything broke loose. Somebody got me by the collar, somebody else hit me on the head with a parasol, and somebody else kicked me in the ribs. Everybody talked and shouted at the same time.
    'Poor darling Toto!' cried the visitor, snatching up the little animal. 'Did the great savage brute try to murder you!'
    'So absolutely unprovoked!'
    'He just flew at the poor little thing!'
    It was no good my trying to explain. Any dog in my place would have made the same mistake. The creature was a toy–dog of one of those extraordinary breeds—a prize–winner and champion, and so on, of course, and worth his weight in gold. I would have done better to bite the visitor than Toto. That much I gathered from the general run of the conversation, and then, having discovered that the door was shut, I edged under the sofa. I was embarrassed.
    'That settles it!' said Peter's mother. 'The dog is not safe. He must be shot.'
    Peter gave a yell at this, but for once he didn't swing the voting an inch.
    'Be quiet, Peter,' said his mother. 'It is not safe for you to have such a dog. He may be mad.'
    Women are very unreasonable.
    Toto, of course, wouldn't say a word to explain how the mistake arose. He was sitting on the visitor's lap, shrieking about what he would have done to me if they hadn't separated us.
    Somebody felt cautiously under the sofa. I recognized the shoes of Weeks, the butler. I suppose they had rung for him to come and take me, and I could see that he wasn't half liking it. I was sorry for Weeks, who was a friend of mine, so I licked his hand, and that seemed to cheer him up a whole lot.
    'I have him now, madam,' I heard him say.
    'Take him to the stables and tie him up, Weeks, and tell one of the men to bring his gun and shoot him. He is not safe.'
    A few minutes later I was in an empty stall, tied up to the manger.
    It was all over. It had been pleasant while it lasted, but I had reached the end of my tether now. I don't think I was frightened, but a sense of pathos stole over me. I had meant so well. It seemed as if good intentions went for nothing in this world. I had tried so hard to please everybody, and this was the result—tied up in a dark stable, waiting for the end.
    The shadows lengthened in the stable–yard, and still nobody came. I began to wonder if they had forgotten me, and presently, in spite of myself, a faint hope began to spring up inside me that this might mean that I was not to be shot after all. Perhaps Toto at the eleventh hour had explained everything.
    And then footsteps sounded outside, and the hope died away. I shut my eyes.
    Somebody put his arms round my neck, and my nose touched a warm cheek. I opened my eyes. It was not the man with the gun come to shoot me. It was Peter. He was breathing very hard, and he had been crying.
    'Quiet!' he whispered.
    He began to untie the rope.
    'You must keep quite quiet, or they will hear us, and then we shall be stopped. I'm