The McRae Series 01 - Twelve Days Sam and Rachel

He'd waited for her to shout at him, to be angry, but all she'd done was tell him so softly that they were going to have a baby and fought the urge to cry.
    She had seemed to brace herself for him to say something back—something ugly and irresponsible and maybe to walk away from her. As if he could have ever walked away from her back then. He still wasn't sure how he was going to do it now, in less than two weeks.
    "Rachel, I don't remember exactly what I said then, but... Oh, hell, I had just graduated from high school. You still had a year of school to go, and your parents were having a fit. The timing sucked. We knew that."
    "You looked so scared," she said.
    "I was. I didn't know anything about being a father or a husband. I was afraid your father was going to kill me or try to separate us again, and if he did that, I didn't know who would take care of you and the baby."
    "Oh."
    She looked up at him, and he tried to read the emotions flickering across her face, found that he couldn't.
    "Why are we doing this, Rachel? It doesn't change anything," he said wearily. It just hurt. It made everything hurt even more than before.
    "I always thought I wanted her so much more than you did," she said, and she believed it even now.
    He stared at her. He'd told her in no uncertain terms already, but she obviously still needed more. He said it once again. "You were wrong. I always wanted our baby."
    Sam was afraid he still hadn't gotten through to her, but he had no idea what else he could say.
    She sniffled, rubbed her cheek against the top of Grace's head, and said, "All of it would have been different, don't you think? If we had our baby."
    "Yeah," he said. "I think it would have."
    If he'd been more careful. If it had been years later when he married her and had children with her, when he had so much more to offer her. If they'd never gotten into that accident. If the baby had survived, and Rachel hadn't been hurt so badly. If there had been other babies, maybe she could have been happy and forgiven him. Maybe it wouldn't all be ending this way.
    Even these children... Maybe if they'd come sooner and gotten to stay, it would have been enough. And a part of him was already thinking that even now maybe it wasn't too late for him and Rachel. Sam really didn't want to leave her. It just hurt too much to stay.
    But these children wouldn't stay, either. Children never did in this house.
    "I'm sorry," he said.
    "Me, too."
    She took the baby and left, leaving Sam feeling more alone than he ever had in his life.

Chapter 5

    Rachel was shaking when she walked out of Sam's workshop and she might have fallen apart, if not for the stern talking-to she'd given herself earlier. Whatever happened, she was going to deal with it.
    She found Zach inside looking none the worse for his little interrogation from Sam. He was quite happily eating leftover lasagna, Emma hovering by his side.
    "I warmed up the food in the microwave for Zach," she said. "Is that all right?"
    "You do that at home?" Rachel asked. "Cook in the microwave?"
    "Yes. It's okay?"
    "Of course," Rachel said, then thinking to add, "we always have plenty to eat here, Emma. You and Zach can have whatever you want."
    Emma's gaze fell to the floor, and Rachel saw a flush of embarrassment in the girl's cheeks. She went to Emma and put an arm around the girl's shoulders, felt terrible just thinking of the burden Emma was carrying. To be so young, she was doing amazingly well under these circumstances.
    "You always take care of Zach and Grace, don't you?"
    "I try," Emma said, her head down, refusing to look at Rachel.
    "I think you're doing a great job," Rachel said.
    Certainly much better than Rachel would have herself. Even with all Rachel had lost, she suspected Emma's life had been infinitely more difficult than her own. Emma could get knocked down one day and bounce back the next. Not only that, she still managed to take care of everyone around her. She doubted Emma gave much time or effort at all to feeling sorry for herself. Miriam said Emma was a little rock the whole time they'd been at Miriam's office, not knowing where they'd end up or if they would all be together.
    Rachel hugged the girl more tightly, awed by the courage she'd shown.
    "What's wrong?" Emma said, finally looking up at Rachel.
    Rachel shook her head, unable to speak for the moment. She'd been so caught up in her own problems, she'd lost track of everyone and everything else—including her husband.
    Sam