The meanest Flood

seat.
    ‘Jesus,’ he said. ‘I only want a drink. ’S’not unreasonable.’ Then he stood with his legs apart and screamed at the top of his voice, ‘GET ME A FUCKING DRINK.’ The stewardess lost it at that point. She turned and ran for the rear of the plane. The man in the orange shirt went after her. Some woman screamed and a couple of men got out of their seats. As the big man went past Danny the magician stuck out his foot and tripped him, bringing him crashing down in the aisle. He stayed on his face for a couple of seconds and then raised himself on to his knees.
    Danny waited no longer. He unfastened his safety belt and got to his feet. He stepped into the aisle behind the drunk and pushed him down on to his face. Then he stood on the man’s back and shouted for the stewardess to help him.
    She came down the aisle with a couple of towels and another stewardess followed with more linen. Together, while Danny kept the man down, the two women managed to tie his hands behind his back. Every time he protested the second stewardess gave his hair a yank and banged his head on the floor. ‘Sorry,’ she said each time. ‘Oops, sorry again.’
    They tied a towel around his ankles and another around his knees. When they’d finished, the first stewardess told Danny he could return to his seat. ‘We’ll sit on him until we get to Newcastle.’ She gave Danny a big smile. ‘Thank you very much for your help,’ she said. ‘We wouldn’t have managed without you.’
    Admiring glances from the other passengers, especially the women. The Asian woman sitting next to him melted in her seat. She had each of her tiny hands on the edge of the armrests and sank back into the upholstery with her eyes closed and her lips parted. From time to time she would turn to him and stare until she got his attention. ‘Thank you,’ she’d say. ‘Thank you very much.’
    The plane approached Newcastle International Airport, the River Tyne and Hadrian’s Wall both visible in twisted outline as the airliner dropped below the level of the clouds. Danny waited for the touch of landing, that bounce as the great metal bird fought against its compulsory grounding and then the rapid deceleration, pushing him forward into his straining seatbelt.
    ‘Can I ask passengers to remain seated for a few minutes?’ the Captain’s voice said over the intercom. ‘The local police will be removing the individual who attacked one of our flight attendants.’
    Two police officers entered the plane from the rear and two more from the front of the plane. They unceremoniously bundled the drunk along the center aisle and out on to the tarmac where they had a dog and a van waiting.
    ‘The Captain wants a word with you,’ the flight attendant said to Danny. ‘If you don’t mind waiting?’ He stayed in his seat, nodding at the passengers who left the plane as they smiled at him and thanked him again for his bravery. When they’d all left the plane the Captain came along the aisle with hand outstretched. ‘You are a very brave man,’ he said. ‘I wanted to let you know how much my crew and I appreciate your actions back there. Without you the whole situation could have got very ugly.’
    ‘Really,’ Danny said, ‘I only did what anyone...’
    ‘No, that’s not true. No one else intervened. I want you to know that my report will strongly recommend your bravery is officially recognized.’
    ‘I’m sure there’s no need for that,’ Danny told him. ‘I only did what I had to do.’
    ‘And thank God you did, sir,’ the Captain told him. ‘I really don’t want any fuss,’ Danny said. ‘I lead a quiet life and I like it that way.’
    They left the plane together and walked towards the waiting bus, through the ranks of passengers who applauded as Danny passed them by. At the entrance to the bus the first stewardess, the one who had been harassed by the man in the orange shirt, took a step forward and kissed the magician on the cheek. The Asian woman who had been sitting next to him on the plane also came forward with a kiss of her own. A news photographer caught Danny receiving the kiss, the light from the flash causing him to blink. And they all waited until Danny was on the bus before following him aboard.
    The handshakes and the kisses continued inside the airport terminal. And after Danny had been interviewed by the police and got rid of the reporters from the Guardian , the Sun, the Daily Mail and Channel 4 News, there were still