The Merchant of Menace

red and green candles all over the house. Mike could set up the train and miniature village when he got home from college. It had always been his special job and he guarded it jealously. She hung the red tapestry stockings she’d gotten at the church craft sale the year before, put out the Christmas afghan, and stood back to admire her handwork. As if it were a signal, music started blasting from next door.
    “O Little Town of Bethlehem“ at 100 decibels.
    She sighed heavily. Her activities had put both the dreaded Lance King and her very odd new neighbors out of her mind for several hours. Now reality and the present intruded and she went back to fretting about what the next couple days might hold in store.

Five

    Jane ran out and did some more of her shop- · ping and dashed home before Todd could get back from school and snoop into packages. As she turned onto her block, she saw a familiar little figure plodding along the street on her way home from the school bus stop. Jane pulled the station wagon to the curb, opened the window, and said, “Hop in, Pet. You look cold. I’ll drop you at your house.“
    “Thank you very much, Mrs. Jeffry, but I’ll walk. My father says I can’t get in other people’s cars,“ Pet Dwyer said precisely.
    “I’m sure he meant strangers’ cars, dear, and I’m not a stranger. But it’s good advice. See you later.”
    She was still shaking her head and chuckling when she pulled into the driveway. Shelley was just coming out to get her newspaper and followed Jane into Jane’s house. “What are you grinning about?“ she asked. “Did you win the lottery? Inherit fabulous jewelry from a long-lost aunt? Is your mother-in-law going on an around-the-world cruise for a year?“
    “No, nothing that good. I just offered that little Pet Dwyer a ride and she turned me down because she can’t accept rides. She’s such a weird little girl. I’ve got to hide Todd’s presents before he gets here.”
    Jane disappeared into the basement for a moment and when she returned, Shelley asked, “Pet Dwyer?“
    “Patricia, really. You know her, Shelley. Lives across the street and two or three houses down? The blue house with the white trim. She comes over at least three times a week to visit Todd.“
    “Oh, yes. Todd likes her? Are they a ‘thing’?“
    “I don’t think Todd knows what to make of her. She’s so bright and prim and grownup-talking. Like a very smart but repressed Victorian child. She doesn’t drool over him, so he’s not scared of her like he would be of any other girl. And she seems to genuinely like the same things he does. One day she brought over a microscope and a bunch of rather revolting slides of things like ant feet and fly wings. Nothing could have charmed him more. He’s really not interested in girls yet, even though it’s macho to pretend he is, and is sort of embarrassed at having one follow him around.”
    Shelley nodded. “I heard my son and his friends using an extraordinarily rude word the other day for a part of the female anatomy. I eavesdropped for a bit and discovered they thought it meant a girl’s hairdo. I explained, as tactfully as possible, that it didn’t mean that and I would wash out the mouth of any child who said it in my house again.“
    “Did you tell them the real meaning?“
    “Good Lord, no! Imagine if they went home and told their parents that Mrs. Nowack was educating them in gutter language.”
    At that moment Todd came slamming into the house. “Mom, help me! That Pet is on her way here. I saw her coming down the street.“
    “I can’t save you. Into each life some Pets must fall.“
    “Mom, I’m serious! She saw me come in the house. What’ll I do?“
    “You’ll be nice to her,“ Jane said mildly. “Let her play with your hamsters.“
    “Every time she touches them she has to wash her hands afterwards like she was getting ready for surgery! Oh, okay. Okay.”
    Pet was at the front door a few minutes later. “That house next door to yours is rather garish, isn’t it, Mrs. Jeffry,“ she said. She made it sound as if it just might be Jane’s fault.
    “Garish,“ Jane said. “Yes, excellent word for it. Come in, Pet. Todd’s just gone up to change his clothes. Come in the kitchen and have some milk and cookies with Mrs. Nowack and me.“
    “I can’t eat sweets because I didn’t bring along my toothbrush,“ Pet said. “But thank you anyway. I’m sure they’re very good. And I can’t drink milk