The Misadventures of the Laundry Hag 00 - Swept Under the Rug

rolled off of me and flung a hand over his eyes. “Christ Almighty, it never ends.” I scurried to the kitchen and forgoing the light, fumbled to answer the cordless.
    “Hey Maggie, you’re up.” Sylvia’s voice, more chipper than I’d heard in weeks greeted me.
    “Is everything all right?” I asked her, wonder what demon spirit possessed her to call after midnight. “You haven’t been drinking again, right?”
    “No, but I was lying in bed and I had this epiphany. Can I come over?”
    “Sure Sylvie. Come on over.”
    I hung up the phone and returned to the living room. “Sylvia’s coming over. She had an epiphany.”
    “Cripes, she couldn’t have had it during normal business hours?”
    I flicked on a table lamp then went to the door, opening it for my friend. “Be nice or go sleep in the camper.”
    Neil grunted. “Is there a third option?”
    Sylvia lighted onto the porch and shook the snow from her head. “Isn’t it pretty?” She gestured toward the snow.
    “Fabulous,” Neil said and I shot him a withering look.
    “What’s going on, Sylvie?” I took her coat, hung it on the hall tree.
    Well, I couldn’t sleep, thinking about poor Candie Valentino and Lucas Sloan too. First his marriage ends and now his house is the scene of a brutal murder. That’s a lot of bad juju.”
    “Agreed.” I gestured toward the kitchen. “Do you want some tea?”
    “Not right now,” She practically bounced down the hall. “So anyway, I thought about all the bad karma in that house and it hit me. A spiritual cleansing.”
    “A spiritual cleansing.” I intoned, waiting for the punch line.
    “Yes. So many people suffer from lack of positive energy. They get bogged down by the daily grind, become jaded, and lose hope. Like I did. You come in and cleanse their homes of dirt and grime, but the negative energy festers. What if, you offered a spiritual cleansing along with a physical one? I could teach people how to set up their homes to encourage a positive energy flow, help focus their lives in a more productive direction.”
    “So, you wanna scrub the death cooties out of Sloan’s house?” I set the kettle on the back burner, ignoring her refuse of tea.
    She actually considered my words. “That’s one way to view it. Think for a second, Maggie. Your business is suffering; this will open new doors for you and for me as well. We have an opportunity to help ourselves here.”
    I plunked two lemon zinger teabags into mugs. What was it Josh’s classmate had dubbed me? Mother Mayhem. . “I don’t know Sylvie; it’s probably not wise for you to link your name with mine right now.”
    “We’d have to expand on your territory, maybe into Boston or Cambridge. I could offer spiritual counseling, maybe hold an internet workshop.”
    The kettle let out a shrill whistle and I removed it from the burner. “Sylvia, did you hear me? I think your idea is fantastic and I’m sure you’d have some takers, but you’d be shooting yourself in the foot by associating with me professionally.”
    “No, Maggie, don’t you see? What better way to advertise that I can solve and metaphysical mess than by pairing up with the notorious Laundry Hag?”
    I plunked the mug known more forcefully than intended. “Metaphysical mess, am I?”
    Sylvia grinned and brought the mug to her lips. “Undoubtedly, but you’re my metaphysical mess.”
    “Okay, so what would I have to do to be cleansed spiritually?” A vision of me sacrificing a live chicken under the full moon airing on U-tube flitted across my mind.
    “Well, first we’d need to set up a website, maybe take out an ad in the paper. One of my former yoga students would probably take us on, especially if we offered her a trial discount.” Despite her staunch belief in all things woo-woo, Sylvia’s mind was sharp and tuned to practical matters.
    “What are you two plotting in here?” Neil leaned against the door jam, squinting due to the harsh overhead light.
    “My career comeback,” I told him. “The Laundry Hag meets…?”
    Sylvia cocked her head. “The balance guru?”
    Neil made a face. “How about Sylvia’s Shui-way?”
    “Sounds like a sandwich shop.”
    “Well, since you’re the mastermind behind the laundry hag you think of something.”
    I yawned. “Tomorrow will be soon enough.”

    * * * *
    F or once, the snow from the night before didn’t hinder the morning schedule. Neil dropped Josh and Kenny at school on his way to another handyman gig.