The Perks of Being a Wallflower

it’s beautiful is because of Sam.
    I just think it’s bad when a boy looks at a girl and thinks that the way he sees the girl is better than the girl actually is. And I think it’s bad when the most honest way a boy can look at a girl is through a camera. It’s very hard for me to see Sam feel better about herself just because an older boy sees her that way.
    I asked my sister about this, and she said that Sam has low self-esteem. My sister also said that Sam had a reputation when she was a sophomore. According to my sister, Sam used to be a “blow queen.” I hope you know what that means because I really can’t think about Sam and describe it to you.
    I am really in love with Sam, and it hurts very much.
    I did ask my sister about the boy at the dance. She wouldn’t talk about it until I promised that I wouldn’t tell anybody, not even Bill. So, I promised. She said that she has been seeing this boy secretly since Dad said she couldn’t. She says she thinks about him when he’s not there. She says they’re going to get married after they both finish college, and he finishes law school.
    She told me not to worry because he hasn’t hit her since that night. And she said not to worry because he won’t hit her again. She really didn’t say any more other than that, although she kept talking.
    It was nice sitting with my sister that night because she almost never likes to talk to me. I was surprised that she told me as much as she did, but I guess that since she’s keeping things secret, she can’t tell anybody. And I guess she was just dying to tell somebody.
    But as much as she told me not to, I do worry a lot about her. She is my sister, after all.
    Love always,
Charlie         
    November 12, 1991
    Dear friend,
    I love Twinkies, and the reason I am saying that is because we are all supposed to think of reasons to live. In science class, Mr. Z. told us about an experiment where they got this rat or mouse, and they put this rat or mouse on one side of a cage. On the other side of the cage, they put a little piece of food. And this rat or mouse would walk over to the food and eat. Then, they put the rat or mouse back on its original side, and this time, they put electricity all through the floor where the rat or mouse would have to walk to get the piece of food. They did this for a while, and the rat or mouse stopped going to get the food at a certain amount of voltage. Then, they repeated the experiment, but they replaced the food with something that gave the rat or mouse intense pleasure. I don’t know what it was that gave them intense pleasure, but I am guessing it is some kind of rat or mouse nip. Anyway, what the scientists found out was that the rat or mouse would put up with a lot more voltage for the pleasure. Even more than for the food.
    I don’t know the significance of this, but I find it very interesting.
    Love always,
Charlie         
    November 15, 1991
    Dear friend,
    It’s starting to get cold and frosty here. The pretty fall weather is pretty much gone. The good news is that we have holidays coming up, which I love especially now because my brother will be coming home soon. Maybe even for Thanksgiving! At least I hope he does for my mom.
    My brother hasn’t called home in a few weeks now, and Mom just keeps talking about his grades and sleeping habits and the foods he eats, and my dad keeps saying the same thing.
    “He’s not going to get injured.”
    Personally, I like to think my brother is having a college experience like they do in the movies. I don’t mean the big fraternity party kind of movie. More like the movie where the guy meets a smart girl who wears a lot of sweaters and drinks cocoa. They talk about books and issues and kiss in the rain. I think something like that would be very good for him, especially if the girl were unconventionally beautiful. They are the best kind of girls, I think. I personally find “super models” strange. I don’t know why this is.
    My brother, on the other hand, has posters of “super models” and cars and beer and things like that on the walls in his room. I suppose if you add a dirty floor, it’s probably what his dorm room looks like. My brother always hated making his bed, but he kept his clothes closet very organized. Go figure.
    The thing is, when my brother does call home, he doesn’t say a lot. He talks about his classes a little bit, but mostly he talks about the football team. There is a lot of attention