The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy With Autism

LIKE BEING IN THE WATER?
    We just want to go back. To the distant, distant past. To a primeval era, in fact, before human beings even existed. All people with autism feel the same about this one, I reckon. Aquatic life-forms came into being and evolved, but why did they then have to emerge onto dry land, and turn into human beings who chose to lead lives ruled by time? These are real mysteries to me.
    In the water it’s so quiet and I’m so free and happy there. Nobody hassles us in the water, and it’s as if we’ve got all the time in the world. Whether we stay in one place or whether we’re swimming about, when we’re in the water we can really be at one with the pulse of time. Outside of the water there’s always too much stimulation for our eyes and our ears, and it’s impossible for us to guess how long one second is or how long an hour takes.
    People with autism have no freedom. The reason is that we are a different kind of human, born with primeval senses. We are outside the normal flow of time, we can’t express ourselves, and our bodies are hurtling us through life. If only we could go back to that distant, distant, watery past – then we’d all be able to live as contentedly and as freely as you lot!

Q40 D O YOU LIKE ADVERTS ON TV?
    This is a difficult one. I’m not quite sure what the answer is. If you figured that we must like TV adverts just because the slogans and catchphrases roll off our tongues so easily, that wouldn’t be the full story. We remember them as well as we do because they’re on so often, and sure, we dash to the TV when a familiar advert comes on. We enjoy watching the ones we know well. How come you people without autism aren’t that keen on TV commercials? They’re on again and again and again, after all – so isn’t seeing them a bit like being visited by old and dear friends?
    I’m not a big fan of TV adverts in and of themselves, but when a familiar ad comes on, I get quite excited about it. This is because when a familiar one comes on I already know what it’s talking about, and I feel sort of soothed knowing that they never last for long. The reason why we look happy to your eyes while we’re watching TV ads must be that at all other times we’re less stable and calm, and our faces are blanker. Perhaps what you’re getting when you look at us watching adverts on the telly is a brief glimpse of the Real Us.

Q41 W HAT KIND OF TV PROGRAMMES DO YOU ENJOY?
    Even at my age, I still enjoy this TV programme for kindergarten kids,
Watching with Mother
. Reading that, you must be thinking, ‘Ah, this guy’s just a big kid, after all!’ But that’s not the case, in my humble opinion. Sure, we may appear to resemble small children – our fondness for gentle, kind, beautiful things – but we tend to prefer simpler, more straightforward stories, not because of childishness, but because we can more easily guess what’s going to happen next. This allows us to stay more relaxed and more engaged. Plus the simpler stories tend to repeat themselves a lot, so when we get to a familiar scene we can get all excited and make a happy fuss.
    People with autism get quite a kick out of repetition. If I was asked how come, my reply would be this: ‘When you’re in a strange new place, aren’t
you
relieved too if you run into a friendly, familiar face?’
    What we just don’t do are disputes, bargaining or criticizing others. We’re totally helpless in these scenarios.



A STORY I HEARD SOMEWHERE
    There was once a girl who loved dancing and she wore red shoes. Everybody who knew her thought,
That girl will keep dancing until the day she dies
, and who knows, maybe the girl thought the same thing herself.
    One night, when the whole world was fast asleep, she began dancing. She went:
    A twirl and a whirl and a leaping curl,
    A-skippetty-skippetty skip-skip-skip,
    A-tappetty-tappetty tap-tap-tap,
    A-tra-lah-di-dah and a tim tam tom.
     
    The girl was in a state of sheer bliss.
How sublime it is to dance!
A whole week went by in this manner. Then she thought,
I wonder how much longer I can keep this up?
By this point she was almost dead on her feet, but all she wished for was to keep on dancing, dancing, dancing.
    Then, on the eighth day, this handsome young man appeared. He said to her, ‘Would you care to dance with me?’ With that, the girl stopped dancing. She said, ‘Thanks, but no. I’ve just discovered something more precious than dancing.’ Then, in a small