The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy With Autism

by treating it as if it’s already gone is actually easier than letting other people know we are in pain.
    Normal people think we’re highly dependent and can’t live without ongoing support, but in fact there are times when we’re stoic heroes.

Q31 W HY ARE YOU SO PICKY ABOUT WHAT YOU EAT?
    Some people with autism keep to a very limited diet, it’s true. I don’t really have this problem myself, but to some degree I can understand where they’re coming from, I think. We do this business called eating three times a day, but for some people having to eat different meals each time can be a major headache. Each type of food has its distinct taste, colour and shape. Usually, these differences are what make eating a pleasure, but for some people with autism, only those foodstuffs they can already think of as food have any taste. Everything else is about as appetizing as toy food you might be served at a little kid’s ‘pretend tea-time’.
    So why do these people experience new food this way? You could say, ‘because their sense of taste is all messed up’ and have done with it. But couldn’t you also say that they just need more time than the average person to come to appreciate unknown types of food? Even if they’d be happy sticking with only those foods they’re used to eating, in my opinion meals aren’t just about nutrition – meals are also about finding joy in life. Eating is living, and picky eaters should definitely be nudged towards trying different foods little by little. That’s what I reckon, anyway.

Q32 W HEN YOU LOOK AT SOMETHING, WHAT DO YOU SEE FIRST?
    So how do people with autism see the world, exactly? We, and only we, can ever know the answer to that one! Sometimes I actually pity you for not being able to see the beauty of the world in the same way we do. Really, our vision of the world can be incredible, just incredible …
    You might reply, ‘But the eyes we all use to look at things work the same way, right?’ Fair enough, you may be looking at the exact same things as us, but
how
we perceive them appears to be different. When you see an object, it seems that you see it as an entire thing first, and only afterwards do its details follow on. But for people with autism, the details jump straight out at us first of all, and then only gradually, detail by detail, does the whole image sort of float up into focus. What part of the whole image captures our eyes first depends on a number of things. When a colour is vivid or a shape is eye-catching, then that’s the detail that claims our attention, and then our hearts kind of drown in it, and we can’t concentrate on anything else.
    Every single thing has its own unique beauty. People with autism get to cherish this beauty, as if it’s a kind of blessing given to us. Wherever we go, whatever we do, we can never be completely lonely. We may look like we’re not with anyone, but we’re always in the company of friends.

Q33 I S IT DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO CHOOSE APPROPRIATE CLOTHING?
    Whether it’s hot or whether it’s cold, I always have a hard time choosing the right clothing, as well as putting extra layers on or peeling them off accordingly. Some people with autism keep wearing exactly the same type of clothes all through the year, in fact. What’s the deal here? What’s so tricky about putting on or taking off clothes as you need to?
    Well – search me. It might be scorching hot, and we
know
it’s scorching hot, but it simply might not occur to a person with autism that taking off a layer is a good idea. It’s not that we don’t understand the logic – it’s just that we somehow forget. We forget what we’re wearing, and how to make ourselves cooler.
    I can mop the sweat off my face with my handkerchief, at least – I’m used to doing this now – but adjusting my clothing is a taller order because the situation is often changing. So I can well sympathize with those people with autism who prefer to wear the same clothes day in, day out. Clothes are like an extension of our bodies, an outer skin, and so the day-in, day-outers find it reassuring to stick to the same outfit. We feel obliged to do everything we can to protect ourselves against uncertainty, and wearing comfy clothes we like is one way of doing this.

Q34 D O YOU HAVE A SENSE OF TIME?
    Time is a continuous thing with no clear boundaries, which is why it’s so confusing for people with autism. Perhaps you’re puzzled about why time intervals and the speed