The Reinvention of Love

that very intent.) I will come to the dance and we will be reunited. I understand. It must be me who finds you. Just as I had to journey across the ocean, I will walk the final mile or so between our two bodies. Oh, to be with you again. I can hardly wait. I will wear my best dress. It is a newone that I had sent from Paris before I left Guernsey. You have not seen it.
    Your beloved Adèle
    My darling Albert,
    Why did you refuse to see me at the dance? And then, when I lingered outside, why did you come out onto the darkened steps and tell me to leave? Why do you lie and say that you don’t love me, and that you never asked me to come to Halifax? In Jersey you were my beloved. How can you change your mind? Why did you tell me that you have changed your mind? How does one stop loving, please tell me that? How does one stop loving?
    My dress was ruined from my rush back to the hotel, from my skirts dragging in the mud. The streets are too rough here. They are not meant for a lady. The mud, and the cold and the darkness – it takes all my courage to remain here. Why did you say you wanted me to return to France? How can you mean that?
    How can you stop loving me, Albert, when I love you more than ever?
    How can you?
    My dear Maman,
    Oh, Maman, I wish you could have been here to see the wedding. There was such celebrating! And such dancing! We had the reception in one of the grand houses at the top of the hill, just up from the garrison where Albert is posted. The house had pillars inside and out, and a ballroom decorated with gold curtains and plaster cherubs on the ceiling. It was so beautiful and I was so happy. I have never known such happiness, Maman. The only happiness that could begreater is if you had been able to attend the wedding. How it would have pleased me to have you here. But I will content myself with knowing that you will be happy for me, that you understand the sacrifices that have to be made for true love. I know you understand that, Maman. I know you understand my happiness, and that makes me love you all the more.
    Your Dédé
    Dear François-Victor,
    Oh, that is discouraging news, dear brother. Could you not ask him again? Surely he will relent, now that Albert and I have married? It will be expensive to set up a home here, and Albert’s salary is too small for such a task. Could you not persuade Papa that this could be his wedding gift to me?
    I cannot wait for you to meet my new husband, brother. You and he have so much in common. You will like each other immediately. I know that. He will become a true brother to you, and that will please me greatly.
    But in the meantime, François-Victor, there is the winter to get through, and I must have money to furnish our new home. Papa is stubborn, but he will listen to you. Could you not make him listen to you?
    Your loving sister, Adèle
    My darling Albert,
    I know what it is to be afraid. I have been afraid of Papa’s rages, and his strict rules for me. On Guernsey I was allowed out only to fetch the papers, and only then if I didn’t go anywhere else en route.
    I have been afraid that my sister no longer hears me, that she is gone somewhere far away and I won’t be able to find her again.
    I have been afraid that Maman will die, that she will be worn out by Papa and by the life on that miserable island, and that she will choose to be with Léopoldine, rather than with me.
    I have been afraid that I would lose you, my darling husband – because even though you are reluctant to marry me, that is what you are in my heart – my true husband. I had to follow you so I would not lose you.
    I have been afraid that I would drown on the crossing to Halifax. Some nights the ship groaned and heaved so much, it was like an animal trying to throw me from its back.
    What keeps the fear away is my love for you. It is my only defence against it, and some days, when the fear is everywhere, I have to fight hard to remember my love. But I always do. I always triumph. So I know that you can triumph as well, that you can stop being afraid of my love and welcome it instead. I will wait, with patience, and an open heart, for that day.
    Your beloved Adèle
    Dear François-Victor,
    Thank you for the little bit of money. I know how difficult it must have been to wrest it from Papa. I appreciate your efforts, but I urge you to keep them up. By the time the money reaches me, I am in need of more again. Just the expense involved in keeping warm during this terrible winter