The Reunion

dauphinois potatoes, and a litre pitcher of red wine.
    ‘I sink you have not eaten?’ she said, proffering her tray with a hopeful, toothsome smile.
    Andrew and Lilah fell on her like starving wolves. They devoured the food ravenously, in silence, sitting on the floor in front of the fire.
    After they’d finished eating, Andrew found that the silence ceased to be comfortable, so he said:
    ‘I called a taxi. It cost me seventy quid to get home.’
    ‘I’m sorry?’
    ‘You wanted to know how I got back. From Fleet. After we broke up.’
    ‘Oh. Well. You deserved it. After all, you did sleep with my best friend.’
    ‘Fair point.’
    ‘It wasn’t the first time, was it?’ Lilah asked. ‘That weekend?’
    ‘Yes, it was. I promise you that.’
    ‘Who… was it you? Who initiated it?’ She laughed. ‘Sorry, I don’t know why I’m asking you this. It’s just, I don’t know, at the time, I spent ages imagining it in my head. Not the sex, but how it started, who made the first move.’ She giggled again. ‘Somehow I can’t imagine either of you making the first move. Or I couldn’t then, anyway.’
    ‘Lilah.’ Andrew shook his head, embarrassed.
    ‘No, go on. Tell me.’
    ‘I kissed her. It was my fault. I started it.’
    Lilah was sitting on the floor, leaning against an armchair, a blanket wrapped round her shoulders. Her legs were stretched out in front of her, toes touching the hearth. She wriggled them in front of her, inspecting the dark red polish on her toenails, the polish she’d applied that morning, post-sex, while Zac was in the shower. Before lunch, before the argument. Before. She hooked one ankle over the other, looked up at Andrew. He smiled at her, but he looked uncomfortable and awkward and very sad. Her heart ached a little.
    ‘Did you do it out of guilt, Andrew?’
    ‘Did I do what out of guilt?’
    ‘Did you kiss her because you felt bad for her, for everything that had happened? You knew she was in love with you, didn’t you, that she always had been? And you felt sorry for her. That’s how it started, isn’t it? Is that why it happened?’
    Andrew made a noise somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. He hauled himself to his feet and turned away from her.
    ‘I think it’s time to get some sleep,’ he said. ‘I’m tired. You can have the bed. I’ll take the armchair.’
    ‘Drew, I didn’t mean…’
    He turned back to her, his face reddening with anger, his voice raised. ‘You’re asking me if I got together with Nat out of
pity
? You’re seriously asking me that? You think I would have married her, stayed with her all this time, raised two children with her because I felt sorry for her? Even by your standards, Lilah, that’s pretty deluded.’
    She passed her hand over her eyes. ‘That’s not what I meant…’
    ‘Yes, it was. And,’ he sighed, dropping his chin to his chest, ‘it’s ridiculous. Lilah, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I fell in love with Nat long before that. Years before that. I’ve already told you that. I told you at the time.’ The look on her face was almost unbearable to him. He crouched down next to her, almost losing his balance. He took her hand. ‘Don’t, please don’t look like that.’
    ‘I didn’t think you meant it,’ she said, her voice small and husky. ‘I thought you were just angry with me. Do you really mean to say that you never loved me at all?’ she asked. ‘Because for the best part of four years you did a really good job of acting as though you did.’
    He sat back down next to her, put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She pulled away. ‘Of course I loved you, Lilah. I loved you very much. I’m not entirely sure that you ever loved me though…’ She tried to protest, but he carried on. ‘Wait, wait. Do you remember how we got together? Do you remember that you only made a pass at me – hang on, you admitted this – you only made a pass at me because you wanted to piss off Karen Samuels?’ Despite herself, Lilah started to giggle. ‘She had a crush on me and you found her really irritating, so you decided you’d have me for yourself.’ She let him pull her closer. ‘That was how our relationship started. And I did fall in love with you, of course I did. You were – you are – irresistible. But somewhere, in the background, there was Natalie. And for me, for some part of me, it was always Natalie.’
    Lilah pulled herself away from him again, pulled her blanket