The Satanic Verses

Revelations of St John the Divine. In those days she had admired his pluralistic openness of mind, and struggled, in her kitchen, towards a parallel eclecticism, learning to cook the dosas and uttapams of South India as well as the soft meatballs of Kashmir. Gradually her espousal of the cause of gastronomic pluralism grew into a grand passion, and while secularist Sufyan swallowed the multiple cultures of the subcontinent – ‘and let us not pretend that Western culture is not present; after these centuries, how could it not also be part of our heritage?’ – his wife cooked, and ate in increasing quantities, its food. As she devoured the highly spiced dishes of Hyderabad and the high-faluting yoghurt sauces of Lucknow her body began to alter, because all that food had to find a home somewhere, and she began to resemble the wide rolling land mass itself, the subcontinent without frontiers, because food passes across any boundary you care to mention.
    Mr Muhammad Sufyan, however, gained no weight: not a
tola
, not an
ounce
.
    His refusal to fatten was the beginning of the trouble. When she reproached him – “You don’t like my cooking? For whom I’m doing it all and blowing up like a balloon?’ – he answered, mildly, looking up at her (she was the taller of the two) over the top of half-rimmed specs: ‘Restraint is also part of our traditions, Begum. Eating two mouthfuls less than one’s hunger: self-denial, the ascetic path.’ What a man: all the answers, but you couldn’t get him to give you a decent fight.
    Restraint was not for Hind. Maybe, if Sufyan had ever complained; if just once he’d said,
I thought I was marrying one woman but these days you’re big enough for two;
if he’d ever given her the incentive! – then maybe she’d have desisted, why not, of course she would; so it was his fault, for having no aggression, what kindof a male was it who didn’t know how to insult his fat lady wife? – In truth, it was entirely possible that Hind would have failed to control her eating binges even if Sufyan had come up with the required imprecations and entreaties; but, since he did not, she munched on, content to dump the whole blame for her figure on him.
    As a matter of fact, once she had started blaming him for things, she found that there were a number of other matters she could hold against him; and found, too, her tongue, so that the schoolteacher’s humble apartment resounded regularly to the kinds of tickings-off he was too much of a mouse to hand out to his pupils. Above all, he was berated for his excessively high principles, thanks to which, Hind told him, she knew he would never permit her to become a rich man’s wife; – for what could one say about a man who, finding that his bank had inadvertently credited his salary to his account twice in the same month, promptly
drew the institution’s notice
to the error and handed back the cash?; – what hope was there for a teacher who, when approached by the wealthiest of the schoolchildren’s parents, flatly refused to contemplate accepting the usual remunerations in return for services rendered when marking the little fellows’ examination papers?
    ‘But all of that I could forgive,’ she would mutter darkly at him, leaving unspoken the rest of the sentence, which was
if it hadn’t been for your two real offences: your sexual, and political, crimes
.
    Ever since their marriage, the two of them had performed the sexual act infrequently, in total darkness, pin-drop silence and almost complete immobility. It would not have occurred to Hind to wiggle or wobble, and since Sufyan appeared to get through it all with an absolute minimum of motion, she took it – had always taken it – that the two of them were of the same mind on this matter, viz., that it was a dirty business, not to be discussed before or after, and not to be drawn attention to during, either. That the children took their time in coming she took as God’s punishment for He only knew what misdeeds of her earlier life; that they both turned out to be girls she refused to blame on Allah, preferring, instead, to blame the weakling seed implanted in her by herunmanly spouse, an attitude she did not refrain from expressing, with great emphasis, and to the horror of the midwife, at the very moment of little Anahita’s birth. ‘Another girl,’ she gasped in disgust. ‘Well, considering who made the baby, I should think myself lucky it’s not a cockroach, or a