The Satanic Verses

heatwave reached its highest point, and stayed up there so long that the whole city, its edifices, its waterways, its inhabitants, came perilously close to the boil, – then Mr Billy Battuta and his companion Mimi Mamoulian, recently returned to the metropolis after a period as guests of the penal authority of New York, announced their ‘grand coming-out’ party. Billy’s business connections downtown had arranged for his case to be heard by a well-disposed judge; his personal charm had persuaded every one of the wealthy female ‘marks’ from whom he’d extracted such generous amounts for the purpose of the re-purchase of his soul from the Devil (including Mrs Struwelpeter) to sign a clemency petition, in which the matrons stated their conviction that Mr Battuta had honestly repented him of his error, and asked, in the light of his vow to concentrate henceforth on his startlingly brilliant entrepreneurial career (whose social usefulness in terms of wealth creation and the provision of employment to many persons, they suggested, should also be considered by the court in mitigation of his offences), and his further vow to undergo a full course of psychiatric treatment to help him overcome his weakness for criminal capers, – that the worthy judge settle upon some lighter punishment than a prison sentence, ‘the deterrent purposeunderlying such incarceration being better served here,’ in the ladies’ opinion, ‘by a judgment of a more Christian sort’. Mimi, adjudged to be no more than Billy’s love-duped underling, was given a suspended sentence; for Billy it was deportation, and a stiff fine, but even this was rendered considerably less severe by the judge’s consent to Billy’s attorney’s plea that his client be allowed to leave the country voluntarily, without having the stigma of a deportation order stamped into his passport, a thing that would do great damage to his many business interests. Twenty-four hours after the judgment Billy and Mimi were back in London, whooping it up at Crockford’s, and sending out fancy invitation cards to what promised to be
the
party of that strangely sweltering season. One of these cards found its way, with the assistance of Mr S. S. Sisodia, to the residence of Alleluia Cone and Gibreel Farishta; another arrived, a little belatedly, at Saladin Chamcha’s den, slipped under the door by the solicitous Jumpy. (Mimi had called Pamela to invite her, adding, with her usual directness: ‘Any notion where that husband of yours has gotten to?’ – Which Pamela answered, with English awkwardness,
yes er but
. Mimi got the whole story out of her in less than half an hour, which wasn’t bad, and concluded triumphantly: ‘Sounds like your life is looking up, Pam. Bring ’em both; bring anyone. It’s going to be quite a circus.’)
    The location for the party was another of Sisodia’s inexplicable triumphs: the giant sound stage at the Shepperton film studios had been procured, apparently at no cost, and the guests would be able, therefore, to take their pleasures in the huge re-creation of Dickensian London that stood within. A musical adaptation of the great writer’s last completed novel, renamed
Friend
!, with book and lyrics by the celebrated genius of the musical stage, Mr Jeremy Bentham, had proved a mammoth hit in the West End and on Broadway, in spite of the macabre nature of some of its scenes; now, accordingly,
The Chums
, as it was known in the business, was receiving the accolade of a big-budget movie production. ‘The pipi PR people,’ Sisodia told Gibreel on the phone, ‘think that such a fufufuck,
function
, which is to be most ista istaistar ista ista istudded, will be good for their bibuild up cacampaign.’
    The appointed night arrived: a night of dreadful heat.

    Shepperton! – Pamela and Jumpy are already here, borne on the wings of Pamela’s MG, when Chamcha, having disdained their company, arrives in one of the fleet of coaches the evening’s hosts have made available to those guests wishing for whatever reason to be driven rather than to drive. – And someone else, too, – the one with whom our Saladin fell to earth, – has come; is wandering within. – Chamcha enters the arena; and is amazed. – Here London has been altered – no,
condensed, –
according to the imperatives of film. – Why, here’s the Stucconia of the Veneerings, those bran-new, spick and span new people, lying shockingly adjacent to Portman Square, and the