The Science of Discworld II

with a very long and heavy staff.
    He wasn’t succeeding. Ridcully, who was stripped to the waist, was fighting back very effectively, putting his wizarding staff to the unusual task of hitting someone. He was a lot better at it than his opponent. Most wizards would die rather than take exercise, and did, but Ridcully had the rude health of a bear and only marginally better interpersonal skills. Despite his quite considerable if erratic erudition, at heart he was a man who’d rather smack someone around the ear than develop a complicated argument.
    As the rescue party arrived, he hit the man across the head and then swept his feet from under him on the back-swing. A cheer went up as the man went down.
    Ridcully helped his stunned adversary to his feet and propelled him to a bench, where the man’s friends poured beer over him. Then he nodded to Rincewind and company.
    â€˜Got here, then,’ he said. ‘Bring the stuff, did you? Who’s the Spanish lady?’
    â€˜That’s the Librarian,’ said Rincewind. There wasn’t a great deal visible between the ruff and the red wig except an impression of extreme annoyance.
    â€˜Is it?’ said Ridcully. ‘Oh, yes. Sorry. Been here too long. This place gets to you. Good thinking, puttin’ him in disguise. Hex suggested that, I expect.’
    â€˜We came as quick as we could, sir,’ said Ponder. ‘How long have you been here?’
    â€˜Couple of weeks,’ said Ridcully. ‘Not a bad place. Come and meet everyone.’
    The rest of the wizards were sitting around a table. They weredressed in their normal wizarding outfits which, Rincewind had noticed, fitted in pretty well with the costumes in this town. But each man had equipped himself with a ruff, just to be on the safe side.
    They nodded cheerfully at the newcomers. A forest of empty mugs in front of them went some way to explaining the cheer.
    â€˜You’ve detected elves?’ said Ridcully, forcing enough wizards apart to give them seats.
    â€˜The place is lousy with glamour, sir,’ said Ponder, sitting down.
    â€˜You’re telling me,’ said Ridcully. He glanced along the table. ‘Oh, yes. We’ve found a friend. Dee, this is Mister Stibbons. Remember we told you about him?’
    It was then that Ponder realised there were a couple of non-wizards in the party. It was quite hard to spot one, though, since for all practical purposes he fitted in well. He even had the right kind of beard.
    â€˜Er … the noddlepate?’ said Dee.
    â€˜No, that’s Rincewind,’ said Ridcully. ‘Ponder is the clever one. And this …’ he turned to the Librarian, and words failed even him, ‘is … a … friend of theirs.’
    â€˜From Spanish,’ said Rincewind, who didn’t know what noddlepate meant but had formed a pretty good idea.
    â€˜Dee here is a sort of local wizard,’ said Ridcully, in the loud voice he thought was a confidential whisper. ‘Sharp as a tack, mind like a razor, but spends all his spare time trying to do magic!’
    â€˜Which doesn’t work here,’ said Ponder.
    â€˜Right! But everyone believes it does, despite everything. Amazing! That’s what elves can do to a place.’ Ridcully leaned forward, conspiratorially. ‘They came straight through our world and straight on into this one and we got caught up in the … what’s it you call it when it’s all swirly and chilly as hell?’
    â€˜Trans-dimensional flux, sir,’ said Ponder.
    â€˜Right. We’d have been totally lost if our friend Dee here hadn’t been working a magic circle at the time.’
    There was silence from Rincewind and Ponder. Then Rincewind said: ‘You said magic doesn’t work here.’
    â€˜As with this crystal sphere,’ said a voice from Rincewind’s pocket,‘this world is quite capable of maintaining a passive receptor.’
    Rincewind removed the scrying stone from his pocket.
    â€˜But that is mine ,’ said Dee, staring at it.
    â€˜Sorry,’ said Rincewind. ‘We just sort of found it and sort of picked it sort of up.’
    â€˜But it speaks !’ gasped Dee. ‘An ethereal voice!’
    â€˜No, it’s just from another world that is much bigger than this one and can’t be seen,’ said Ridcully. ‘There’s nothing mysterious about it at all.’
    With trembling fingers, Dee took