The Science of Discworld Revised Edition

To One Atom Ten Minutes Ago, Which I Do Not Seem to Be Able To Find Any More +++
    ‘How’s Wranglium doing?’ said the Senior Wrangler hopefully.
    ‘Exploded after breakfast, according to H EX . Sorry,’ said Ridcully. ‘You can’t build a world out of smoke and mirrors. Damn … there goes Bursarium, too. I mean, I know iron rusts, but
these
elements collapse for a pastime.’
    ‘My hypothesis, for what it’s worth,’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes, ‘is that since it was all started off by the Dean, a certain Dean-like tendency may have imparted itself to the ensuing … er … developments.’
    ‘What? You mean we’ve got a huge windy universe with a tendency to sulk?’
    ‘Thank you, Archchancellor,’ said the Dean.
    ‘I was referring to the predilection of matter to … er … accrete into … er … spherical shapes.’
    ‘Like the Dean, you mean,’ said Archchancellor.
    ‘I can see I’m among friends here,’ said the Dean.
    There was a soft chime from the apparatus that had been accumulated around the Project.
    ‘That’ll be etherium vanishing,’ said Ridcully gloomily. ‘I knew that’d be the next to go.’
    ‘Actually … no,’ said Ponder Stibbons, peering into the Project. ‘Er … something has caught fire.’
    Points of light were appearing.
    ‘I
knew
something like that would happen,’ said the Archchancellor. ‘All those discs are heating up, just like damn compost heaps.’
    ‘Or suns,’ said Ponder.
    ‘Don’t be silly, Stibbons, they’re far too large for that. I’d hate to see one of
those
floating over the clouds,’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.
    ‘I said there was far too much gas,’ the Archchancellor went on. ‘That wraps it up, then.’
    ‘I wonder,’ said the Senior Wrangler.
    ‘What?’ said the Dean.
    ‘Well, at least we’ve got some heat in there … and there nothing like a good furnace for improving matters.’
    ‘Good point,’ said Ridcully. ‘Look at bronze – you can make that out of just about anything. And we could burn off some of the rubbish. All right, you fellows, help me dump more of the stuff in it …’
    Around about teatime, the first of the furnaces exploded, just as happened every day down at the Alchemists’ Guild.
    ‘Ye gods,’ said Ridcully, watching the shapes in the omniscope.
    ‘Yo?’ said the Dean.
    ‘We’ve made new elements!’
    ‘Keep it down, keep it down!’ hissed the Senior Wrangler.
    ‘There’s iron … silicon … we’ve got rocks, even …’
    ‘We’re going to be in serious trouble if the alchemists’ guild finds out,’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. ‘You know we’re not supposed to do that stuff.’
    ‘This is a different universe,’ said Ridcully. He sighed. ‘You
have
to blow things up to get anything useful.’
    ‘I see politicium is still there in large quantities, then,’ said the Senior Wrangler.
    ‘I
meant
that this is a godless reality, gentlemen.’
    ‘Excuse
me
–’ the Dean began.
    ‘I shouldn’t look so smug if I was you, Dean,’ said Ridcully. ‘Look at the place. Everything wants to spin, and sooner or later you have balls.’
    ‘And we’re getting the same sort of stuff that we get here, isn’t that strange?’ said the Senior Wrangler, as Mrs Whitlow the housekeeper came in with the tea trolley.
    ‘I don’t see why,’ said the Dean. ‘Iron’s iron.’
    ‘Well, it’s a whole new universe, so you’d expect new things, wouldn’t you? Metals like Noggo, perhaps, or Plinc.’
    ‘What’s your point, Senior Wrangler?’
    ‘I mean, take a look at the thing now … all those burning exploding balls
do
look a bit like the stars, don’t they? I mean they’re vaguely
familiar
. Why isn’t it a universe full of tapioca, say, or very large chairs? I mean, if
nothing
wants to be
something
, why can’t it be
anything
?’
    The wizards stirred their tea and thought about this.
    ‘Because,’ said the Archchancellor, after a while.
    ‘That’s a
good
answer, sir,’ said Ponder, as diplomatically as he could. ‘But it does rather close the door on further questions.’
    ‘Best kind of answer there is, then.’
    The Senior Wrangler watched Mrs Whitlow produce a duster and polish the top of the Project.
    ‘“As Above, So Below”,’ said Ridcully, slowly.
    ‘Pardon?’ said the Senior Wrangler.
    ‘We’re forgetting our kindergarten magic, aren’t we? It’s not even magic, it’s a … a basic rule of
everything
. The