The Shuddering

don’t want to be here anymore.”
    “Okay, just give me some room,” Sawyer told Ryan. Ryan opened his mouth to say something, but Sawyer shot his friend a look. “I can’t handle this right now,” he confessed. “Ryan, move.” And then he stomped on the accelerator.
    The Jeep lurched forward.
    Ryan jumped back.
    The right tires sank low and April’s eyes went wide. One of her hands instinctively pressed against the dash while the other held the armrest of the door.
    “Oh my god,” she yelped, but Sawyer pressed on toward the inevitable, and the inevitable came quickly. The Jeep sank low, every nerve in Sawyer’s body buzzing as he felt the left tires lift off the ground. April screamed as the car tipped against the embankment. Sawyer’s mind reeled, wondering why the hell he had just done what he’d done, wondering if this stupid move had been some subconscious sabotage to stay here longer now that April’s ring was in the pocket of his coat, now that he was free. The Jeep tipped over, pinning April’s door in place as she bawled.
    They were stuck for good.
    April’s breath came in gasps. She stared at the boy in the driver’s seat, speechless, as Sawyer tried to keep from falling on top of her. After a bit of effort he shoved the car door open and pulled himself out.
    “Holy shit,” Ryan said, his hands on top of his head again, assessing the situation. “Holy shit, dude. Holy shit . You just wrecked your car,” he marveled, unable to peel his eyes away from the leaning vehicle. “Your baby. Your pride and joy.”
    Sawyer stared at the Jeep for a long while, as though suddenly realizing exactly what he had done. And then he shrugged. “Yeah, I did. Didn’t see that coming, did you?”
    April cried out for help as Ryan laughed, exasperated. Sawyer stepped back to the car and helped heft her up and out of the vehicle. April tumbled out of the window, slipping on the snow. She sat there for a long moment before Ryan extended a hand to her, trying to help her up; but she refused, too stubborn to admit that she had lost. Still sobbing, she eventually righted herself, but rather than walking uphill toward the cabin with the boys, she pointed herself downhill instead.
    “Where are you going?” Sawyer asked her.
    “Home!” she yelled back.
    Sawyer tipped his head up to the sky— God save me— and groaned. Ryan paused in his ascent and stood next to him, looking back at April as she stumbled through shin-deep powder.
    “Are you going to get her?” he asked.
    “No,” Sawyer said. “Let her walk it off.”
    Ryan shrugged and turned back up the hill, he and Sawyer slogging through the snow.
    “I can’t believe you actually asked her,” Ryan said after a while.
    “I don’t want to talk about it,” Sawyer said. “Seriously, don’t ever bring that up again.”



CHAPTER SEVEN
    A pril wiped at her eyes as she stumbled through the snow. She cursed herself for crying, the cold air stinging her cheeks as she staggered into the featureless landscape. Swiping at her eyes with her sleeves, she swallowed her sobs, wondering whether she had overreacted; maybe what she had sensed between Sawyer and Jane had been nothing but her own jealousy, insecurity, imagination. It wasn’t as though she’d caught them in the shadows of an empty room.
    But the way he looked at her, the way his voice went softer when he spoke to her; it made April’s heart ache. She could see it plainly on Jane’s face: she and Sawyer were sharing some hidden secret.
    The snow was deep, nearly up to her knees in places, but she was determined to keep going, if only until her heart untwisted itself. She had no idea how she was going to face any of them again. She’d embarrassed herself, especially with Ryan, sobbing like some hysteric. But the emotion had overwhelmed her—a deluge of frustration that had splintered into temporary insanity. And now Sawyer’s Jeep was stuck in a ravine, they were snowed in for God knows how long. Those people wouldn’t want anything to do with her again. And Sawyer…
    Another sob burst from between her lips.
    The way he had taken back the ring, no protest, no anything—Sawyer wouldn’t marry her now. She had seen the look on his face, uncertainty veiling a ghost of relief. She had shownhim the darkest part of herself—the anger and jealousy that occasionally took hold of her, consuming her like a fire. It had startled him, and now he’d call the whole thing off, baby or not.
    With