The Thanatos Syndrome

sodium in the water supply?”
    â€œWhat does that have to do with heavy sodium in the water supply,” he repeats gravely. “Good question, Tom. One might have asked a similar question fifty years ago: What does it have to do with fluoride in the water supply? And if we’d asked it, we’d have gotten the same sort of flak from the Kluxers and knotheads—as you of all people know. Hence our little cloak-and-dagger secrecy. Frankly, I saw no need of it.”
    â€œSo?”
    â€œWhat would you say, Tom—” Bob, who has been lilting along with Strauss, leans forward and, turning down the music, fixes me with a smiling, keen-eyed look. “What would you say if I gave you a magic wand you could wave over there”—he nods over his shoulder toward Baton Rouge and New Orleans —“and overnight you could reduce crime in the streets by eighty-five percent?”
    I wait, knowing there is more.
    â€œChild abuse by eighty-seven percent?”
    â€œYou mean you’ve done it by—”
    He waves me off. “We’ve done it—the numbers will be out next month—but let me finish. Teenage suicide by ninety-five percent. Ninety-five percent, Tom.”
    â€œYes?”
    â€œWife battering by seventy-three percent.”
    â€œYes?”
    â€œTeenage pregnancy by eighty-five percent.”
    â€œYes?”
    â€œAnd here’s some bad news for us shrinks.” He winks at me. “Hospital admissions for depression, chemical dependence, anxiety reduced by seventy-nine percent.”
    â€œYes?”
    â€œAnd get this.” He leans close. “AIDS by seventy-six percent.”
    â€œYou’ve reduced AIDS by a heavy-sodium additive?”
    â€œNot directly, but the numbers are there.”
    â€œHow, if not directly?”
    He sinks back, eyes me speculatively, turns up “Wiener Blut.” “I’ll give you the easy answer first.”
    â€œAll right.”
    â€œBy reducing anal intercourse and drug use, shooting up with needles. That’s how the LAV-HTLV-III virus is mainly transmitted, right?”
    â€œRight. But—”
    â€œHere comes the interesting part. Why we need you. Tom, hear this. We don’t have stats for obvious reasons, but in the sodium treatment areas we’ve mentioned, the incidence of homosexuality has declined dramatically.”
    â€œHow could you know such a thing?”
    Bob shrugs. “Clinical impressions. How many homosexuals have you treated lately? And a couple of interesting items. The Gay and Lesbian Club at L.S.U. has disbanded. Voluntarily. Tom, every gay bar and bathhouse in Baton Rouge is out of business, and not from police pressure. And a tiny but telling little item: the sale of gay and S.M. video cassettes is down almost to zero. Not from censorship, Tom! From lack of interest.”
    â€œHow does that come to pass, Bob?”
    He appraises me. “I think you might have an idea, Tom, but I’m asking the questions, remember?”
    â€œThen ask.”
    â€œTom, how much do you know about chimpanzees?”
    â€œNot much. Some. I did some work with them.”
    I know. Tom, how many homosexual chimpanzees did you run across?”
    â€œThen are you saying that you’re zapping homosexuals with heavy sodium and regressing them to lower primates?”
    He shakes his head, wags a finger. “You know better, Doctor. That’s why we want you. For one thing, these same subjects have an average twenty percent increase in I.Q.—plus an almost total memory recall which makes you and me look like dummies. We ain’t talking chimps, Tom.”
    â€œI know,” I say absently. “They can tell you where St. Louis and Cut Off are.”
    â€œWhat?” he says sharply. “Oh, map and graphic recall. Yes, sir, they’ve got it. We’re not zapping them. No zombies here. Far from it.”
    â€œThen what are you doing?”
    He turns down “Wiener Blut.” “You know what?”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI have an idea you might know more than we.”
    â€œIs that so?”
    â€œThat’s so, but I’ll tell you how much we do know.”
    â€œAll right.”
    â€œWe know that the heavy ion inhibits dopamine production in the prefrontal cortex—which as you know is probably the chemical basis of schizophrenia. We know it increases endorphin production, which as you know gives you a