The Truth

the overseers!”
    “I think they’re…busy at the moment,” said Sacharissa.
    Carney listened. It seemed unusually quiet downstairs.
    He sagged.

    The printing staff of the Inquirer were in a ring around Goodmountain.
    “Right, lads,” said the dwarf, “here’s how it works. Everyone who goes home early tonight ’cos of a headache gets a hundred dollars, all right? It’s an old Klatchian custom.”
    “And what happens if we don’t go?” said the foreman, picking up a mallet.
    “Vell,” said a voice by his ear, “that’s ven you get a…headache.”
    There was a flash of lightning and a roll of thunder. Otto punched the air triumphantly.
    “Yes!” he shouted, as the printers ran madly towards the doors. “Ven you really, really need it, zere it is! Let’s try vunce more…castle!” The thunder rolled again. The vampire jumped up and down excitedly, coattails flying. “Vow! Now ve are cooking! Vunce more mit feelink! Vot a big… castle…” The thunder was even louder this time.
    Otto did a little jig, beside himself with joy, tears running down his gray face.
    “Music vid Rocks In!” he yelled.

    In the silence after the thunder roll, William pulled a velvet bag from his pocket and tipped it out onto the desk blotter.
    Carney stared goggle-eyed at the jewels.
    “Two thousand dollars’ worth,” said William. “At least. Our admission to the Guild. I’ll just leave them here, shall I? No need for a receipt. We trust you.” Carney said nothing, because of the gag. He had been tied to his chair.
    At this point, Sacharissa pulled the trigger. Nothing happened.
    “I must’ve forgotten to put the pointy arrow bit in,” she said, as Carney fainted away. “What a silly girl I am. ‘Ing.’ I feel so much better for saying that, you know? ‘Ing.’ ‘Inginginginging.’ I wonder what it means?”

    Gunilla Goodmountain looked expectantly at William, who swayed as he tried to think.
    “All right,” he said, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Triple-decker heading, as wide as you can. First line: Conspiracy Revealed! Got that? Next line: Lord Vetinari Is Innocent!” He hesitated at that one, but let it go. People could argue about its general application later on. That wasn’t the important thing at the moment.
    “Yes?” said Goodmountain. “And the next line?”
    “I’ve written it down,” said William, passing him a page torn from the notebook. “Caps, please. Big caps. Big as you can. The sort the Inquirer used for elves and exploding people.”
    “This?” said the dwarf, reaching for a case of huge black letters. “Is this news?”
    “It is now,” said William. He flicked back through the pages of his notebook.
    “Are you going to write the story down first?” said the dwarf.
    “No time. Ready? ‘A plot to illegally seize control of Ankh-Morpork was exposed last night after days of patient detective work by the Watch. Paragraph. The Times understands that two assassins, both now dead, were hired from outside the city to blacken the character of Lord Vetinari and depose him as Patrician. Paragraph. They used an innocent man with a remarkable resemblance to Lord Vetinari in order to trick their way into the Palace. Once inside…’”
    “Hold on, hold on,” said Goodmountain. “The Watch didn’t get to the bottom of this, did they? You did!”
    “I just said they had been working for days,” said William. “That’s true. I don’t have to say they weren’t getting anywhere.” He saw the look in the dwarf’s eye. “Look, very soon I’m going to have a lot more unpleasant enemies than anyone really needs. I’d like Vimes to be angry at me for making him look good rather than for making him look bad. Okay?”
    “Even so—”
    “Don’t argue with me!”
    Goodmountain didn’t dare. There was a look in William’s face. The boy had frozen when he was listening to the box, and now he’d unfrozen into…someone else.
    Someone a lot more touchy and a lot less patient. He looked as though he was running a fever.
    “Now…where was I?”
    “‘Once inside…’” said the dwarf.
    “Okay…once inside…no…make it: The Times understands that Lord Vetinari was…Sacharissa, you said the man in the cellar looked just like Vetinari?”
    “Yes. Haircut and everything .”
    “Right. The Times understands that Lord Vetinari was overwhelmed in the moment of shock on seeing himself entering his office—”
    “Do we understand that?”