The Truth

carrying a dog, or leading a dog, or being dragged by a dog, or being savaged, despite the owner’s best efforts, by a dog belonging to someone else. The barking had already gone beyond mere sounds, and was now some kind of perceptible force, hitting the eardrums like a hurricane made of scrap iron.
    William pulled the vampire into a doorway, where the din was merely unbearable.
    “Can’t you do something?” he screamed. “Otherwise we’ll never get through!”
    “Like vot?”
    “Well, you know…all that children of the night business?”
    “Oh, zat,” said Otto. He looked glum. “Zat’s really very stereotypical, you know. Vy don’t you ask me to turn into a bat vhile you’re about it? I told you, I don’t do zat stuff no more!” “Have you got a better idea?”
    A few feet away a Rottweiler was doing its best to eat a spaniel.
    “Oh, very vell .”
    Otto waved his hands vaguely.
    The bark ceased instantly. And then every dog sat on its haunches and howled.
    “Not a huge improvement but at least they’re not fighting,” said William, hurrying forward.
    “Vell, I’m sorry. Stake me as you pass,” said Otto. “I shall have a very embarrassing five minutes explaining this at the next meeting, you understand? I know it’s not zer…sucking item, but I mean, vun should care about zer look of zer thing…”
    They climbed over a rotting fence and entered the shed via the back door.
    People and dogs were squeezing in through the other door and were only held at bay by a barricade of desks and also by Sacharissa, who was looking harassed as she faced a sea of faces and muzzles. William could just make out her voice above the din.
    “No, that’s a poodle. It doesn’t look a bit like the dog we’re after—”
    “—no, that’s not it. How do I know? Because it’s a cat . All right, then why’s it washing itself? No, I’m sorry, dogs don’t do that—”
    “—no, madam, that’s a bulldog—”
    “—no, that’s not it. No, sir, I know that’s not it. Because it’s a parrot, that’s why. You’ve taught it to bark and you’ve painted ‘DoG’ on the side of it but it’s still a parrot—”
    Sacharissa pushed her hair out of her eyes and caught sight of William.
    “Well, now, who’s been a clever boy?” she said.
    “Wh’s a cl’r boy?” said the DoG.
    “How many more out there?”
    “Hundreds, I’m afraid,” said William.
    “Well, I’ve just had the most unpleasant half hour of—That’s a chicken! It’s a chicken , you stupid woman, it’s just laid an egg! —of my life and I would like to thank you very much. You’ll never guess what happened. No, that’s a Schnauswitzer! And you know what, William?”
    “What?” said William.
    “Some complete muffin offered a reward! In Ankh-Morpork! Can you believe that? They were queuing three deep when I got here! I mean, what kind of idiot would do a thing like that? I mean, one man had a cow! A cow! I had a huge argument about animal physiology before Rocky hit him over the head! The poor troll’s out there now trying to keep order! There’s ferrets out there!”
    “Look, I’m sorry —”
    “I wonder, ah, if we can be of any assistance?”
    They turned.
    The speaker was a priest, dressed in the black, unadorned, and unflattering habit of the Omnians. He had a flat, broad-brimmed hat, the Omnia’s turtle symbol around his neck, and an expression of almost terminal benevolence.
    “Mm, I am Brother Upon-Which-the-Angels-Dance Pin,” said the priest, stepping aside to reveal a mountain in black, “and this is Sister Jennifer, who is under a vow of silence .”
    They stared up at the apparition of Sister Jennifer, while Brother Pin went on: “That means she does not, mm, talk. At all . In any circumstances.”
    “Oh dear,” said Sacharissa weakly. One of Sister Jennifer’s eyes was revolving, in a face that was like a brick wall.
    “Yes, mm, and we happened to be in Ankh-Morpork as part of the Bishop Horn Ministry to Animals and heard that you were looking for a little doggie who is in trouble,” said Brother Pin. “I can see you are, mm, a little overwhelmed, and perhaps we can help? It would be our duty.”
    “The dog’s a little terrier,” said Sacharissa, “but you’d be amazed at what people are bringing in—”
    “Dear me,” said Brother Pin. “But Sister Jennifer is very good at this sort of thing…”
    Sister Jennifer strode to the front desk. A man hopefully held up what was clearly a